Rationally Yes...Emotionally No

*sigh* so a weekend that I didn't hang out w/ JR. Yes it's true, after about 4 or so weeks running, we didn't hang out together. We were going to though. Another stressful week for me, full of staying at work late, dragged out only by wrestling and friends waiting for me. So JR was going to help me de-stress, like he has the past few weeks by taking me out to a movie or drinking. I swear this position is going to make me an alcoholic. Came home one night, and I told D, with all seriousness "I feel like having a beer." And I hate beer. Really hate it. Tastes like crap. But my mind was still filled w/ work-sh!t just spinning around, driving me crazy b/c it's going to be something I'll have to deal w/ next day which will inevitably be added onto by more cr@p that the team will come up w/.

Oh and hoh hoh hoh, there was a TL position that they posted. But only for 1. And a bunch of people put in applications. But I was talking w/ my TL, and he said that all the TLs in the Nesting teams (sorta the halfway house to being on the floor) want out b/c they hate it. You have to coddle the agents, monitor twice as much as regular TLs, constantly have team meetings, and it's insanely difficult for paperwork. So any TL position that opens up will inevitably be for the Nesting position. And seriously, if they say they're going to put me there, I'd rather be on the phones. Get paid about $13 for it anyways. Speaking of my TL, he got in trouble b/c he took an escalation from a RH that another TL was listening to so she could monitor the RH. But instead of taking off the headset when he came on, she continued to listen and didn't like how he handled it. And instead of talking to him about it, she sent an email to her OM and his OM. So he gets put on a disciplinary action that's 1 step away from employment review. Is it any wonder that so many TLs and people have quit?

Anyways, trying to get away from work here, good ol' JR. So on Sat, we were discussing what to do, and I AIMed him that I wanted to get the Karaoke Revolution game, and play it b/c singing makes me feel better. Then I got a call from TT who wanted to know if I wanted to karaoke. So I went karaoke last night, was pretty fun. I think I sing better w/ a partner. And I don't care who. When it's just me, I feel really self-conscious and my voice tightens up. I'm one of those ones who want to sound good, so I stick to the lyrics and don't improv stuff during the instrumental parts. I love singing "Time after Time" by Cyndi Lauper. I tried out "Waterfalls" by TLC but I only really remember the chorus. And then there was a like a rapping part (I guess it was supposed to be rap cause I don't remember it from the song) and it was pretty fast, so I just started saying whatever appeared on the screen as fast as I could read it. But I didn't really read, I just said it, and a couple times I was too fast. Guess it helps to be able to read romanization. D picked "Phantom of the Opera" to sing w/ me, and when I sang the first part, I was too high so I was getting really offkey, so I dropped it an octave in the second part. Yeah, I'm more a mezzo-soprano.

Anyways, when I was out w/ the guys, J called me, and the first thing he asked after how I was, was of course what I was doing. So it's like "not much...going out w/ my friends." Anyways we met today (or I suppose yesterday) and he didn't ask what I did. But it turned out to be his mum's b-day and he was going to have dinner w/ them. And in the past, I was always welcome, and he didn't say if I was invited or not, and I didn't ask, but I did't have turkey dinner. Well whatever really. We didn't do much except go shopping. Course he didn't say if he any plans either. We just talked about our crappy jobs, how many comics we were missing, that kinda stuff. And ya know, it's all fine for me. There's the small twinge of "oh I'm not getting free food anymore" but other than that, I don't miss him that much.

Later JR gave me a call to see if I wanted a drive home from work since he was in the neighbourhood (yeah it's a 10 min walk, but he does that anyways) but I woulda been off work by the time he called anyways. And if I was supposed to work today/yesterday, oh well. And he said he missed me even though we'll see each other tomorrow/today, and we'd seen each other on Friday. And while the sentiment is appreciated, it's really not returned. I suppose it could be b/c I've lost my mom when I was younger, so I'm not sensitive to missing people. But while I do like JR, and when I think about it, he's not a bad dude, nice voice, kinda cute, major flirt, wicked sense of humour, and I could see holding hands w/ him. But emotionally, it's like "eh" makes no difference to me. Maybe b/c I don't have that emotional void to fill or something. I dunno. I bawl like a baby whenever I see the characters losing their family (mothers are the worst for me) and I cried for hours w/ Eddie's death. But there are few people I could say that I miss when I don't see/talk to them. Sorta that outta sight, outta mind thing.