I'm going to so bomb tomorrow!

So I have a job interview tomorrow, for a position that I really have a reasonable chance on getting. I've been studying their website, reviewing their SOMC and Work Description, writing how my experience qualifies me for the position...all the stuff that you do to prepare for it. I've even bought some blazers for the job (well I could use some anyways if I want to work in a business environment). Today I've been a bit burnt out from it all, and it's been a struggle to study. Having your computer on and Facebook loaded is an extremely bad idea. Oh, and a horde of comics that need to be read, games that need to be advanced on...yeah, it's not good to have that many distractions. And a sluggish betta fish that's probably that way b/c of the cold temps. Kinda hard to find a heating solution for a 2 L jar.

Anyways, I was on my way to taking a shower when my brother (who's staying the night w/ his wife), knocks on my door. Then he starts berating me about how I'm not taking care of our father. Our father, who's decrepit, crotchety and old. Who diminishes my self-esteem to zero (whether he does it deliberately or not could be up to debate, but irregardless) on a constant basis. And the one I live w/, mostly out of some poor (becoming very apparent, misguided) attempt of a child trying to gain the affection of a parent. Yeah, I moved back in w/ him to help him b/c he was old and decrepit. Only to have my attempts screamed at, dismissed, overlooked and belittled. So at this point, I've even stopped working on a crotchet blanket that I was making him. Which contained a colour I despised but he likes. B/c really, why should I try doing anything when there's no reward to it?

Anyways, after my brother berates me and I counter w/ what does he really want me to do w/ our father, well, it's not a good conversation to have when you're on the eve of an important interview. I'm crying b/c I'm so mad and he starts backing off. Then my sister-in-law comes down and tries to help mend things. Anyways, after about an hour of this, my brother says that he's going to try and talk to our dad, b/c the points I bring up about how crappily I've been treated are valid and maybe he doesn't realize that. Anyways, I'm not expecting much.

So I'm in a real foul mood, and I'm still crying as I write this. B/c I'm not feeling centred like I almost was before my brother talked to me. Actually I'm so off-centered that I can't seem to stop crying. Yeah, that's going to be great for the interview, puffy stressed out face. I'm sure I'll get a big zit somewhere. I already have a scab on my nose b/c I'm still recovering from the flu or something. Even blowing w/ Charmin Extra Soft still is hard on the nose when you do it so much. Oh, and after the upper body workout on the Eyetoy Kinetics, I can barely move my arms. And that was 2 days ago that I did that workout. When flicking your hair back becomes an attempt not to scream, you know you overdid it. Yeah, right after the workout, I couldn't lift my arms b/c my shoulders were numb. Next day, I couldn't lift it above my chest. Today, my triceps are killing me and I wish I could just leave them hanging down. Oh and my back hurts....Oddly enough, or perhaps not, whining about my body aches has stopped my tears. Maybe b/c it's discussing physical pain instead of emotional pain. If that's true, then does writing positively improve one's outlook? Actually I've heard of that. But can I write optimistically when I'm naturally a pessimist?

Hmm, what's going good right now? Uh, I bought a Turtwig pillow from Wal-Mart (evil evil corporation!) and I'm pretty sure it's life-size. Which isn't really too hard b/c starter Pokemon are small, but still. I gave it a wash w/ my lavendar bodywash, so he smells quite good. And he's so cute. Looks quite like the Pokemon should. Piplup was a bit flat, and there wasn't that much stuffing in his wings. And the fire pokemon...what's his name? Monferno? No, that's an evolution of it. Infernape? I'm pretty sure that's evolution type. Ashchimp?! LOL, well that's not it, and it'd be a bad name to say improperly. Lemme look ...*grabs list* Chimchar, that's the one. He was very flat all the way. Very obviously a pillow. Piplup, you'd be sleeping on his tummy, but w/ Turtwig, b/c he's got stout little legs, he'd be more like the ancient Japanese/Chinese head rests/pillows. He's sitting in front of my TV right now b/c there's no room on my bed. Yes, I want to buy a double bed solely so I can have room to sleep on more than 1/2 the bed. Maybe that's also my shoulders and back hurt, b/c I don't have room to toss and turn. Or it could be the mass of blankets that I like to be under. Well I am feeling a bit better now. Pokemon always saves the day. Guess I'll go take that shower now.