Personality Test

My Personality

Neuroticism	58
Extraversion	11
Openness To Experience	63
Agreeableness	4
Conscientiousness	51

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Hmm, that's a pretty good personality test. Anger management? Me? The one who gives the finger to the monitor at work b/c it's so freakin' slow that you sit there and sit there and can't get a thing done while you're on the call? Naw, not me lol. And I never blew up at the b!tch in HR who thankfully isn't there really anymore. Hmm, and I have no morality...oh probably b/c I think there's no absolute right or wrong. And since I don't like to be bothered by people, could be why I broke up w/ JR. Heh, his flowers that he gave for 2 month anniversary (which I didn't keep track at all) are still alive.

Quiz: What Color Green Are You?

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you. Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible. While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks. Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

That's a nice colour. Can't say I have a lotta stuff w/ that colour though.

Quiz: How Aquarius Are You?

You are 73% Aquarius

How Aquarius Are You?

I don't know what that means. I'm an early Aqarius, so I'm not sure what effect has. I'm not really into that Astrology or Horoscope stuff. Though some of my friends are. They'll tell you me that you're so typical for... you're just like the other dragon-snake I know. Particular when it came to remembering dates.

Why are there so many programs about 9/11 suddenly?! ...Oh

Yes, I actually made that comment. I think it was on Wednesday or something. Seriously, I can't remember what day it is beyond the Monday, Tuesday variety. Anyways, it's hard to believe it's already been 5 years. No really, I can't remember what year it happened in. I do remember where I was when I found out. Sitting at home, flipping the channels and stopping on CBC Newsworld and going "What the hell? How the heck can a plane fly into those huge towers?! What's w/ the pilot?" and then going to work at one of those big box supermarkets, and hanging around the Photo/Electronics dept listening, and thinking "those poor people". When I found out it was terrorists, it made sense. Not in the sense that only terrorists could do such a thing and they're horrible bad bad people! But more like, yup the American policies and attitudes are biting them in the @ss.

Are the terrorists' actions justified? Well I suppose in the same way that governments can justify civilian deaths as collateral damage in wars. B/c for the terrorists it is a war, and it doesn't matter what happens to the other side as long as they win. Long gone are the days when they'd have a set target and once it was achieved, both sides would shake hands and help each other rebuild. Until attitudes about conflict change, it'll just be revenge stacked on revenge. Ha ha, actually if it was run entirely by the military-industrial complex they'd sell weapons to each party but generally equal weapons so the war would perpetuate, and the industrial would reaps loads of money rebuilding, until the damage is too great to rebuild, and which they'll move to another area, so until the entire Earth is devastated, then war might stop... isn't that already happening to a degree? Well I know it's a plot of one of the Ace Combat games. Getting a little off topic here. We're trying to look at the continued aftereffects of 9/11.

So the definition of Terrorism from yourDictionary.com is "The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons. " So the key in this definition is -unlawful-. Of course there's state-sponsored terrorism which really can be called operations (example of failed attempt is Bay of Pigs), or just coalition-led war (Operation Iraqi Freedom which was largely led by US, bit of Brit, smattering of other countries lumped under "Coalition of the Willing) all in the name of ...democracy. (See Global Spread of Democracy Poses New Challenge for the US by Donald K. Emmerson for further hilarity of American "democracy"). The American govt is terrorizing its own people, acting unlawfully and profiting from the circumstances. It is not mere happenstance that they passed the Patriot Act(2001) and in the 2004 US election, 9/11 was trumpeted constantly and Bush won by a landslide. How different is constantly invoking fear by mentioning 9/11 from making broadcasts of planned attacks?

In an article in the Sept 7 Edmonton Journal, Sheldon Alberts discusses how America has changed since 9/11: "the sense of vulnerability caused by 9-11 continues to permeate almost every aspect of American life. It has sustained a national obsession with security, dramatically altered expectations of the country's political leadership, generated deep divisions over foreign policy and produced ongoing suspicion about tthe world beyond US borders." Now, being a HUGE fan of Jon Stewart and the Daily Show along w/ The Colbert Report, they constantly point out how often President Bush and his administration love to trot out 9/11 to justify any decision that threatens civil and human rights. The GOP produced the 9/11 boogeyman and have gotten the American public into a state of constant stress. What do people do when they're stressed? Freak out ("A USA Today/Gallup pool in July found 40% of Americans favoured security rules requiring Muslims, including US citizens, to carry special identification" which makes one remember the Star of David that Jews had to wear in Germany before WWII), miss details (illegality of NSA wiretaps, prisoners -still- deprived at Guantanamo Bay), look for any leadership (Bush's job approval rating is 36% [American Research Group] but 55% approve of his handling of the anti-terror campaign [Chron.com], become paranoid ("The number of Americans expressing positive feelings about the United Nations...has fallen to 48% today from 77% before 9-11") and generally act like jerks thus making the rest of the world get fed up (2005, Pew Research Center)(2006, BBC Poll).

And while Bush may say that all this has led to the USA not having been attacked again in the last 5 years, do the terrrorists really need to? America is increasingly divisive over any issue, spending exorbitant amounts of lives and money in Iraq, despised by more and more countries worldwide, and completely paranoid ("Other surveys repeatedly show the Americans are split 50/50 on whether the country is safer now than it was before 9-11"). Now is the craziness perpetuated by the terrorists or the govt? There's much to be said about how you react to things, and it's certainly isn't being helped by the Bush administration. However the Bush govt has managed to deflect much criticism by citing 9/11, and pushed thru several agendas amidst the confusion. Only recently have they been under sustained attack for its errors, and that was only b/c they could no longer use the "unpatriotic" label to stick to its critics. So while Osama bin-Laden may be on wanted posters, the American govt has to also answer for its terrorizing actions. Which may happen in the upcoming 2006 elections for both the Senate and House of Representatives.

I'm hungry

I hate waking up only an hour before I'm supposed to get up, can't go back to sleep, can't lie in bed. Can't quite eat even though I'm hungry. Seems to be happening a lot after working night-morning-night-morning-night b/c I'm filling in for vacationing TLs.

Yesterday was my last day taking over yet another team. Although in this case, it belonged to another SLR who was in Acting Team Leader role. Who apparently didn't know that she was losing her team when she went on vacation. She took it a bit hard. So it's like, uh...yeah I don't know if any of those disciplinary actions that she was planning for will be followed up on. Not to mention their time punches. Oh well, whatever. Maybe I'll remember to remind her.

And so now it'll be a 4-way choice for who gets to fill in for vacationing TLs, not that there will be much b/c summer's over. And they opened up hirings for the SLR position. And the TL position, but I didn't bother applying. I'm so, I don't care. And then they opened up Quality Evaluator. I might apply for that just b/c to get out the whole thing. But it's still kinda iffy. I printed a whole bunch of my resumes at work.

Really, I think it's time to either go back to school, or find another job. I think both would benefit me psychologically. I wasn't born to work, particularly there. Why are we born? Why is there life? Is it to run the variables? Experiment to discover diversity? I suppose that might be why they invented religion, otherwise it'd be too scary for most people.

Hungry.

Sometimes I love being on the phone...

So after taking over another team on Monday, I was put on the phones on Saturday b/c I had a life on Sunday. No, that's really what happened. The supervisor I was replacing was supposed to work on the Sunday, but my schedule is that I have that Sunday off. So I planned dim sum w/ my friends, and after I was going to watch SummerSlam at Myah's house. But the manager in charge of SLRs got all pissy and said that if I'm going to have Sunday off, then I'm only going to take over the team for as many days as the supervisor requested days off. So since he only requested 4 vacation days this week, I only got paid 4 days at the TL rate, and today I had to be on the phones. Then next week, I run his team from Mon-Thurs and he's back on Friday(which is also when I'm back on the phones). When I explained that to my supervisor, and really everyone else, they were all WTF?

Anyways, most amusing call I had is that a guy called in to cancel his svc b/c of the NSA wiretapping program and that Cingular cooperated. So being Canadian and anti-Bush (b/c they're not the same thing lol), it was really hard not to waive his ETF and start talking politics. However I think I gave him the impression that I was totally agreeing w/ him. Anyways, I transferred to the cancellation dept and when I told the rep the reason, you could tell that's she either doesn't keep up on politics (like she said) or that she's one of the Bush-supporters braindead people. The customer had a very Anglo-Saxon last name, so she started saying that it's unlikely that he's getting targetted by the program, and did he suspect that his records were being released... and I'm like "Look, the govt has been ruled to be breaking the law, and the customer is cancelling on matter of principle b/c he's not going to do business w/ a company that'll release records when there hasn't been a warrant." And yes, I was giggling the entire time, b/c it's so hilarious. I'm not sure if that agent still understood it, but she took the call anyways. But seriously, like I told that agent, I was wondering when we'd start getting calls from customers who wanted to cancel for that reason. And I hope all the company cronies who agreed to release the records all lose their customers so that they'll learn that the govt money lining their pockets doesn't justify breaking the law. Can't believe that the govt would try to appeal it, hello! it's just common sense. The situation that America's in isn't what anyone'd call wartime and therefore justify breaking their constitutional laws.

Yeah, so I'm going to try to get to bed early so that I can go to the museum and get half-price admission. D's off picking up H, so it's lovely having the apt to myself. I can leave the door open and enjoy the A/C. Never mind the walking around in my underoos. I can understand why T'd want to leave alone.

Quiz: What Gender Is Your Brain?

Your Brain is 53% Female, 47% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

I actually thought I'd be more male b/c I'm not "emotional" often, and I tend to think things logically. which either means a lotta stuff is stereotypical, or that it's a result of having grownup in a strictly male household for...20 yrs.

Quiz: What Superhero Are You?

You Are Batman

Billionaire playboy by day. Saving the world by night. And you're not even a true superhero. Just someone with a lot of expensive toys!

What Superhero Are You?

Cool, I'm Batman. So I suppose that's supposed to mean I have a dual personality or something? Well I guess that could be true, although I always thought I was relatively straightforward. Willing to take on street justice?! Oh yeah, fear me you sidewalk-spitters! Bat's among the few DC char I don't despise. Especially when he has such cute sidekicks. Heh heh heh.

Don't bite the hand you want to help you

So I'm still a bit steamed at JR. On Friday, I was only finished w/ about 28 monitors, and the I still had about 2 more days to do monitors, so technically I only needed to do another 2 and I'd be finished. However JR was short by about 4 and it was his last day of the week to do them. So he asked me if I'd wanna do monitors for him, and it's like "nope, do 'em yourself. *lol*" Anyways, later on when everyone'd gone home, and we were talking to V about the shortage of Floor Support and how the TLs are being dragged into doing it. JR started going about how he's always the one the Floor Support goes to have things done, how some TLs have to be told to do provide Floor Support while he spends most of his time helping agents, and then he looks at me in a somewhat joking way. So I'm like whatever, I do help when I see agents who need help. And then JR goes "yeah but you always have your head down when you're monitoring." And I'm As if, whatever, I don't really give a sh!t, it's not like I'm TL next week. Well he goes to me "well you'd better change your attitude or you're going to be on phones all the time." Yeah, well that totally pissed me off. 1) he brought up an incident that he knew was a sore point for me 2)he was the one that asked for help w/ monitors 3) I used to be Floor Support before I was SLR and the only reason why they don't go to me is b/c they don't know if I'm being a TL or stuck on the phones from day-to-day.4) the reason why he doesn't have as many monitors is b/c he's not as efficient as I am. So I think V knew I was p!ssed off after that (b/c I don't usually swear out loud at work), and when I went home that night, I didn't say bye to JR even though he's my bf. And then over the weekend I turned off AIM just in case he was going to go on. And today, I got a SMS from saying that it's my fault that he's sick now (I got sick after LL and SM's wedding on 7th) and he had a "lol" on it. I'm thinking, "Well that's just the gods' wrath for arguing w/ me." For a personal who doesn't belong to any religion I do believe in gods. More for fun and to explain inexplicable things, but yeah, I'm still poed.

And I suppose the same situation is at work. Hence my work-to-rule policy. Yesterday I was supposed to be off b/c it's supposed to be that TL's Sunday off, but I didn't know, so went in. Which I didn't care much after I found out. Better to be paid another day at TL level than at rep level. Ended up surfing the web, printing out all the crap I needed when I'm on the phones, entered monitors and updated journals. Stuff like that.

Quiz: Your Wonderful Pirate Life!!! UPDATED!!! Wonderful Results!

.:MR. GIBBS:.Captain Jack Sparrow: Thinks you are a great friend, but he wouldnt die for you or anything like that...(like he'd die for anyone)William Turner: He thinks you are a wonderful person and a wonderful friend to haveElizabeth Swan: You and her are close, sharing secrets and helping each other out.Mr. Gibbs: Loves you. He thinks you are the most beautiful woman on earth and a wonderful person. He would die for you...wow.Norrington: Thinks you a beautiful and loves you as a friend.Davy Jones: Doesnt really know you, but plans to kill you anyway. Its just how he works.Bootstrap Bill Turner: Doesnt really know you that well, but he thinks you are a great person and prettyJack (the monkey): Loves you because you play with him when the others cant, and defend him from Jack at times..:STORY:.You sigh, taking another swig of rum in the mess cabin, enjoying a small party with your crew mates. You noticed that many of them had been eyes you, but you stayed by Gibbs...he had always protected you. Shivering slightly as one of the crew attempted to touch your leg, you walked over to Gibbs, who had seen this and was glaring at the young man. You slid into his arms...he was your best freind...and stayed there the rest of the night, finally falling asleep against his chest.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
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Did this one just to see the results. And I actually thought Mr. Gibbs was either the guy w/ the wooden eye or his buddy. But Mr. Gibbs wouldn't be a bad choice really. Nice bloke. Hasn't managed to drink himself into a stupor despite working for Jack. lol

Quiz: Your life at Hogwarts(GURLS ONLY)

Your life at Hogwarts(GURLS ONLY).

Your House: GF.Your bf: RonYour friends: everybody in gf.what you look likeLYou have waist length golden curly blonde hair and baby blue eyes. You are about 5'1". You are slim, but still have ebough curves to make Ron salivate over you. You are a classic beauty. You are just about, everyones friend, even the slytherins kind of like you.What your friends think of you:Ron: She's the love of my life. I still can't belive she's mine. I'm head over heels in love with her.Hermione: Im a bit envious she got ron, but she's still my friend.Harry: She's beautiful, but I know she's rons. Besides, I got my own love.Ginny: I love her like a sister. I wish she and ron would get married so she would be my sister.Thw twins: Think yor okay. Prefer their own hottie.How it happened:-D :You were sitting up in a tree when suddenly you were pushed out. When you were able to regain your senses you saw that malfoy had pushed you out. Now he was walking toward you. He grabbed your waist and pushed his mouth on you. She tried to get away, but he was too strong. You made al the noise you could, flailing your arms and legs. Suddenly you were pulled apart by ron. He shouted at Draco, "what the hell are you doing?" Malfoy tried to answer but Ron was too quick he used a curse on him that made the word: Harrasser appear all over his skin. Malfoy got up and ran to the hospital wing. You were alone with ron. He sat down and you uttered thanks saying you would do anything for him. He thoght about it for him, then he looked at you. His face grew softer, than he pulled you closer to him, till you were almost in his lap. Then he kissed you.It was a gentle kiss, but passionate. Colors exploded in your head, and fireworks went off. You broke apart and he said, "_____Will you be my girlfriend?" "Yes",you replied,"I'd be glad to". Then you smiled. He pulled you into another kiss, a bit rougher, and you kissed back. Soon you were in his lap. I wont go into more details.Please rate! This quiz took me a long time. I'm not making you, but will you please?
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I don't mind the result ie. getting Ron as my bf, but gah! The whole scenario and what "I look like" is so lame. Definitely written by someone just hitting puberty. Ron'd be the dependable but slightly exasperating bf. I was leaning towards the twins b/c they're hilarious, but I'd probably pull my hair out half the time, and chasing after them on the broom LMAO in the other. Cedric's a bit too perfect. Harry was also a possibility, and at least he's not a main character I hate. Draco...can I beat him? No really. Just for fun. Make him into my slave.

Geez, I can't believe I'm doing Harry Potter quizzes. I'm onto the 5th book...uh...what's the title? Order of the Phoenix. So far it's the most interesting. We all must have an Umbridge in our life. I have a feeling that Rowling wrote the teachers based on several people. As a series, it's not bad. The characters were largely 2 dimensional until this book. It's not a "I must have it for my own" series (I'm reading H's) but it's entertaining enough for me to read in the tub w/o drowning. Wouldn't mind seeing the movies though.

Prophecy? or some wierd symbolism?

This morning (cause I sleep till noon) I had a dream that someone at my workplace died. Not died there, or in front of me, but she got into a vehicle accident and died. I know who she is but I'm somewhat neutral towards her. Yeah, she got the supervisor position instead of me, and was only a rep when she got it, but I think she's a nice girl. But yeah, so I dreamed that she died, and people who knew her were all upset and wanted the entire centre to be closed so that they could go to her funeral and then wanted everyone's journal w/ the death. I think I was acting supervisor in the dream, and I was acting sympathetic but realistic. There was no way in hecked they'd close the centre, and there's no way I'd update 400+ journals. Yeah so I hear about the death, and I was all "I'm so sorry to hear that. Oh you want a day off, oh okay, but it'll have to be unpaid"

Yeah, so I have no clue what that was, but it happened. I've had dreams which included people I went to elementary w/ and we'd just sorta meet in the street or what have you. But I'm sleepy now.

Quiz: How Brutally Honest Are You?

You Are 52% Brutally Honest

Honesty is important to you, but generally, you try not to be brutal about it. You'll sugar coat the truth when you need to... and tell a white lie when necessary.

How Brutally Honest Are You?

Heh, one of the questions was "has your mouth ever gotten you into trouble", and it's like Oh yeah. Do I lack tact? Yup. Ah, quizzes good when you're about to pass out.

Bitterness is my state

So I open my email on Saturday to find out that I'm not taking over the specialized team. They decided instead to let the other TL take over both teams. Why? Oh, b/c the vacationing TL was able to do it for a month, so the other TL should be able to do it. Coincidentally enough, the OM for the specialized team also happens to be the one that reamed me out the other day, and had the nerve to say "if you want to be a TL..." Yeah, so basically as long as those 2 OMs are at the site, I probably won't ever be hired as a TL.

Yeah, so it was just great to find out in email. Apparently the assignment supervisor tried to call me on Friday, but b/c I don't have Caller ID, I didn't know who it was. But he didn't bother to leave a VM. Probably got too scared of my VM greeting. It's ... unique. Well it's very serious and all proper for the beginning, but then there's a little twist at the end. And then when he called me on Saturday when I was at work, I was like steel on the phone. "Yes, I read the email." "Uh huh." "Okay." "Bye." At this point, I don't particularly care if I get to fill in for other TLs. Unless it means taking over teams that have friends or acquaintances on it, it's like "whatever. I get paid more."

*nod nod* Excellent job in retaining employees as usual. *heavy sarcasm* At least while I'm on calls I can read or color or something. I haven't for a while b/c it's just such a chore to find or do anything in their dumbass systems that I don't have time during the call to do stuff b/c it's all so slow. Spend half the time watching the hourglass. Or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself it won't be that bad. It's still quite the slap in the face to be tossed back on the phones when they were bitching about not having enough SLRs to cover all the vacationing TLs.

Which may be why I'm still up when I should be sleeping b/c I'm so tired. I have a tendancy to do that. If I know the next day is going to suck, I'll forestall it anyway I can. Technically that doesn't actually happen, but since when I sleep, I don't notice any passage of time, it's like time fastfowards when I'm sleeping. So it's a bit of a paradox, but it makes sense in my little world. Oh, I guess I should check when I work...huh 1:30. Bah. Still haven't gotten my fckng Performance Appraisal, 2 months after they were supposed to be delivered.

Okay, well I'm getting a headache from being up at 7:30 (after turning over when it was 6:30 and I was supposed to get up at 6:45) and thus having to eat my breakfast at work since I'm supposed to work at 8. All this after getting home from watching Pirates of Carribean at 1:00a, and getting to be at around 2.

I'll try writing a review of the movie another time. But the short version of it is...it sucked.

Work To Rule

Yes, another "I hate my job" post. We'll start w/ the most immediate impact. I hate my job b/c they don't have consistent hours. The bastards decided to start at 8 on weekdays, 10 on Saturday and 6 on Sunday. Like WTF? So of course I forgot it's Saturday (well not technically b/c I set the VCR to program my cartoons), so I drag my @ss outta bed and start walking to work. And at least realize half a block later, I coulda slept for another 2 hrs. And I'd be taking a nap on the futon if it weren't that I'm recording Pokemon right now, and I want the TV to sleep to.

Anyways, last night I stayed up late to pose my Pokemon plush to form a picture for my camera phone. ...What?! It's not easy to make static objects appear that they're alive. I also have a few of my other plush toys, and it makes me happy.

So back to that hellhole, b/c of mismanagement of resources, they don't have enough floor support so they're pulling the supervisors to fill in instead. Which means we can't meet our deliverables. And it wouldn't be so bad if every supervisor was doing it, but of course there's a bunch that're slackers, and everyone knows about it. So after losing my 3rd official monitor, I ask the OM when they're going to put more floor support on, and she gives me a cock-n-bull story, so I'm like "fine, whatever" toss off my headset and dispose of the monitor sheet (b/c of customer privacy and all the crap) by ripping it. W/ this OM, she won't directly talk to you about it. Instead you hear about it a couple hours or days later, and she'll take offense over anything. Once I told her that "I felt I was being punished for something that happened that was no fault of my own" (I was asked to go on a trip but b/c of their system error, they couldn't create an expense account, and after I worked on it for about 4 hours of my own time, they said they chose someone else b/c they couldn't wait), and so she tells me that she's sorry I feel that way. And then a day later I hear from my supervisor that she felt I was acting unprofessionally. And you couldn't tell me this yourself?! So anyways, again, she tells my OM this, and so he pulls me aside and basically tells me to cover up for their asinine decisions and put on a happy face b/c the reps are watching. Oh, and that "monitors will happen." Sure they do, especially if I were to make them up. But no, he faults me for having a rep listen to his call, while I try to listen to another rep's call and enter monitors at the same time, and accuses me of not efficiently using company time. When during while I was doing that, another OM walked by and said "That's some multitasking!" So I'm just sick of this bull and it's work to rule time.

And I was told my assignment supervisor to take over a specialized team(which had a lotta my friends on it), and I was happy. And when I go to the soon-to-be-vacationing TL that (who shoulda known by now), she's like "oh, uh really, let me check w/ the OM" and didn't look to pleased. And I'm like "WTF?" and was pretty hurt b/c I thought we were on very good terms. The place is a viper pit. No, actually I'm insulting the vipers.

Yeah, so anyways, I had taken over a team on July 19 for another vacationing TL, and he's supposed to be back on Monday, which is when I'm supposed to take over that other team. Oh, and after my OM reamed me about about my professionalism and how I won't get TL if I keep it up, he just goes "that's all I wanted to talk to you about." Nada thing about how I'm doing w/ the team. So I ask him directly, and he goes "oh that team's pretty good." So in other words, any improvements or maintainment of stats is purely due to the team, and not me. I've seen other SLRs lose their teams b/c they messed up the management, so he's basically insulting my abilities. Me bitter? What for?

My vacation ended on July 12, and I got all sick from handling money at animethon, so I didn't get to go walking in the river valley. Although I did play a lotta ps2 and watch dvds. I was so sick, I could barely walk the block to the bank to pay my bill. And I was hacking and sneezing stuff up. I wanna go back on vacation.

Okay, vcr's fini, I'm going to sleep. For the hour. oh well.

Quiz: What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Cool, I'm acid! H did some acid, and told us about it. It was hilarious what happened to her. I think most people would agree that my mood is very mecurial, and if I'm on a bad "trip", it's hard to get me outta it.

Quiz: What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

20% Yankee

15% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

And I have no idea what that means b/c I'm Canadian. Of course w/ the amt of american programming that I've grown up w/, there's no doubt why I'd have American in there. I think only twice has a caller asked if I was canadian b/c of my accent. I think it might be b/c of the way I say route which rhymes w/ out. But I could be wrong. I have no idea why the Americans find "about" so interesting.

My so-called vacation starts

So I'm on my vacation. Finally. Gawd, I was so burnt out. And I think I still am. I was having a lotta abdomen pains lately, and today it was still the same thing. The sudden need to visit the bathroom. Was very annoying. And still is. However I did put out all my figures. So nice to look above my desk and see all my cuties standing there. Showed D, and he said that the poses that H puts her figures in are a lot more blatant and very sexual. I have one where Meryl has her derringer pulled on Wolfwood b/c Wolfwood has his hand out trying to get money from her by putting the portable confession on her. She's just finished tossing the mini-church to the floor. The most "sexual" thing I have is that all the KOF girls are surrounding Iori and looking at him admirably. I'm not sure if Dark Beast playing "guess who?" on Beast really counts. Anyways, I need to get a doll stand for my 12" Iori figure so he can stand instead of sitting all the time.

Got a call from JR and he goes to me that he can't understand how I couldn't get out of work before 11. He said the only reason why he was there until 11 was b/c he goofed off and had to write up a sudden CAP. That totally pissed me off. Even if he was teasing me, it implies that 1) I spent most of my time goofing off 2)I worked but was so inefficient that I spun my wheels 3)I just stayed long to appear that I was working my @ss off. I'm so freaking tempted to just ignore all his calls for a while. Tomorrow is his day off and he'll be golfing at the company golf tournament, so he'll probably call. He did something similar when we were at work, and since we AIM each other, he said that I had a 50 min break b/c AIM was idle for that long. And it's like, well if I'm on the other server, it's going to show that, and he's like "nope, you were slacking." And considering I've put in so much extra OT, that even if I took an extra 20 min, I would've earned it, I was right poed. So when I got to my desk I AIMed him that I was going to ignore him and it took about an hour before he broke down and apologized. Yeah, I'm still pretty pissed about his VM. Almost tempted to write a nasty txt msg.

So what if I'm not very mature. JR was trying to convince me to go to the golf tournament, and I don't play. So I go to him, "what am I going to do? Put stinkbombs in all of their golfbags?" And he goes, "No, you're supposed to schmooze." I reply "Naw, I'm going to run around putting stinkbombs in their golfbags." The whole concept of schmoozing disgusts me. This of course is in no small part influenced by the fact that I didn't get the TL position. Basically just when I got the team cleaned up and my work hours down, I lose my position. So I hand over a team that has been coached about everything and is finally doing really well to someone who beat me for the position. Now why would I be bitter? Most of my reps were pretty good too and tried to cheer me up, and say that they didn't want someone else to be their TL. One of them even said that they should ask him why I should remain his TL b/c I helped him improve his stats and we know each other fairly well now. A lot of them asked me to check up on them once I get back from my vacation. It does warm the cockles of my heart.

Ow, I'm hurting again down there. At times it feels like the gallbladder, and then it's about where my appendix is. Right now it's appendix. And it's so annoying, I'll get super tired, and ready to drop, and then I'll get a 2nd wind to stay awake. But I'm sleepy now, and my keyboard is screwing up. Spacebar is wacked ever since I cleaned it.

J's in a mess b/c of M. M messes up his life, and J tries to help him w/ it, when he's got probs of his own to deal w/. And since J's outta town, can't even go see him. I wouldn't trust M w/ any money, and J lent him $1000 to help him move and pay for stuff. And of course M got kicked out again, and J's wondering if he should move outta his parent's and share a space w/ M. If it was me, I'd tell him it'd only happen if I had control over his finances, and he had to keep a job for longer than a couple months. D may be easily distracted, and blows his money more than he saves, but at least he realizes that he needs to keep his job and save enough for bills.

Quiz: What Mythological Creature are you?

You scored as Demon. Demon: Darkness is your sanctuary. Demons are many and are all different in appearence and rank. The most common are the ones that feed off of human souls. They love to make someone fall into their inner darkness. Blood, wrath, murder... You name it they love it. These beings don't care who you are, if they set their sights on you, let's just hope you know a good excorist. They kill any love within you and pull you toward their side. By any means possible. You wish for chaos and hate, you are the Demon. Demon 84% Faerie 67% Mermaid 58% WereWolf 50% Dragon 50% Angel 50% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

Fu fu fu fu! It's so much fun watching the transistion btwn life and death, and trying to pinpoint that exact moment. But so hard to find test subjects. Heh heh. *Kodachi-laugh*

But I'm still partially a bit of a faery....who are loving, playful, and have a childlike enthusiasm for life. Okay, that's a bit different. Hmm, I guess I like having life around so I can bring them back and take it away. Again and again.

WWE Vengeance

Well Sunday sure didn't turn out like I expected. Was hoping that Warp was open till 5, but nope, and I got there 15 min late. Well actually we b/c D decided to come along. Argh, if I had my Discman going and didn't have to slow down, I might've been able to make it. So no comics. Oh well, I think I have Wednesday off, so maybe I'll pick them up then. But just comics, b/c manga's going to have to wait until Animethon. Except for my yaoi.

Anyways, as we wandered down the street, D wanted to see "See no Evil" but it's already in the dollar theatre. And so we went to see Vengeance instead. Didn't expect the Angle vs. Orton match to start the show b/c we were late b/c we needed to pick up food at T&T first. Saw the end, so can't give opinion on it. The Eugene vs. Umaga shoulda been first. Can't make comment on it either b/c I went to the washroom. Didn't think I was in there that long but it was already over. Foley vs. Flair was bad as Foley promised. Intercontinental was absolutely awesome. Carlito was funny and showed a lotta moves he hadn't used before which was cool. Didn't think he was that aerial. The 3-man suplex/powerbomb was the best. Crowd was chanting "Holy shit" afterwards. The Kane vs Kane got the "boring" chant instead. And it was pretty bleh. I think if the real Kane acted upset that fake Kane was copying all his moves, it woulda helped sell the story. I was actually starting to close my eyes btwn matches and nod off during the matches. Even during the Sabu vs. Cena. Sabu was super suicidal and took some nasty bumps. But that's major talent. Cena is so lame, Sabu had to carry him. DX was wickedly funny. Very nice. And we know that HHH doesn't wear a cup.

Don't know why video stores don't carry wrestling dvds. Was trying to find ECW One Night stand. Found stupid UFC instead though. Ended up watching the Family Guy Stewie DVD. Was pretty funny, commentary was quite good. I always wondered which char Seth McFarland actually talks like. For some reason I thought he might be Peter. And JR kept complimenting me all thru the night, btwn the tickle session, massage, and competition to see who could name off more finisher wrestling moves. I mean, what I am I supposed to say other than "thank you"? Well actually I just kept adding "and evil" to the end of all of them. B/c I'm 62% evil.

T&T had some sushi left at store-close which is sooo wierd. Can't believe I spent $20 on sushi. But it was sooo hard to resist. And it'd be going in garbage if no one bought it so....it called to me. But I can't finish it all tonight.

To Slack or not to Slack

So it's going to be my last week as TL coming up. And boy, do I feel like doing a whole lotta nothing. Except for letting my reps get away w/ everything. Nawww, actually I really don't feel like that. Lates, attendance, all that visible stuff I think I'll still chase after them for. Or at least notate that I talked to them about it. Though having them offline for 30 min for a pizza party is cool w/ me. Anyways, not that I could slack all that much. Total f*ckhead who's doing the scheduling is screwing w/ everyone's schedule. He has people working only 32 hrs a week, working multiple weekends in a row. It's so f*ckin' screwed up. I have to do correction entries constantly. At least I'm totally on target for monitors. Yeah, as usual I'm carrying the production team again. And again, all I can say is why is the person who meets monitor targets, has above average quality, almost always meets all deliverables is the one who doesn't get the job? Oh, right, probably b/c they want me to clean everything up. F*ckers. Why should it matter that I'm not slick when I'm interviewing?! Not everyone can be the Rock.

Anyways, I think it's time to start looking at other things. I'm thinking more education-wise. It just feels sad when all I can talk about is work or ps2. Gonna really try to put aside time and get D to teach me how to play bass guitar. And I won't deny that Iori Yagami sparked my interest. *drool* Iori-sama....

Anyways, gonna spend my weekend cleaning. Hopefully. Tends to not happen unfortunately. But I really need to do it so when my cousin comes over, she'll go "Ohmigod" b/c I have so many figures and books, and not b/c her feet got tangled up in my hairball. Yeah, still have to unpack my figures. So sad. Dusting's a major chore. The ventilation causes a lotta dust, and there's still a lotta dust flying around even when you're about 50m above street level. But those Swiffer things are so wasteful.

My best bud H is coming back in August. The wankers that hired her for teaching English decided not to renew her contract. Which sucks b/c it was a good source of income, but she was totally miserable over there. Amazing how a city of 10 million utterly has no interesting culture. She blew thru all the monuments in the first month! Gonna have to talk to landlord about moving to a larger apt. Checked our lease, unfortunately it doesn't expire when she comes back, but if we can move into a larger apt in the building, it'll be sweet. Btwn the 3 of us, shouldn't be too bad for the higher rent.

I hope I can hang out w/ T before he goes to CA. Just to hang out b/c we don't really get to do that at work. Both of us have too good of a work ethic to slack off and just chat. And I owe JR a movie and dinner, so maybe I can take care of those tomor... today also.

Quiz: Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0

You scored as Beast. Beast is an intelligent, politcal spokesman for the X-Men. He has a Ph.D in Genetics and is well versed in literature. He may look like a blue fuzzy monster, but deep down he's very benevolent and logical. Powers: Enhanced strength and agility Beast 85% Rogue 75% Storm 75% Cyclops 70% Wolverine 70% Jean Grey 65% Emma Frost 65% Colossus 55% Nightcrawler 50% Iceman 40% Gambit 40% Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

Wooooohoooooo! I'm most like Hank! And noooo, I didn't do the test a zillion times to get him. Kinda surprised I'm a lot like Rogue too, but then maybe we're talking about the cool Claremont-Rogue, not the sobby whiney Lobdell Rogue. Although lately I've been the Lobdell Rogue, so I should mock too much. La la laa, Hank and I are alike. Loo de doo, and that's just so right. Heh heh. Thought woulda scored higher w/ Wolvie though. Odd that I'd score as high w/ Wolvie and Cyke. Not surprised that I'd score low w/ Gambit. I think the only thing that gave me high for him was the food question.

Quiz: How Evil Are You?

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Fu fu fu fu fu! Exxxxcellent. Have enough good to make the evil unexpected.

And spent the day talking for an hour to T, which almost made me late for the bank. Made it by 2 min. I went to bed late, well actually at the time that T woke up so he went out shopping while I was still snoozing. Ah well. Did get sushi. But no soy milk. >:( They must've run out. Was not in the mood to shop. Not at all. Was in a totally depressed mood So I spent 2 hrs vacuuming and cleaning my bathroom. And yes it made me feel better b/c I finally did something I'd been putting off and I have something to show for my efforts. Soap scum sucks. Vim is better than Fantastik. And now it's too late to take a bath. I prefer to bathe only when I know the bathtub is clean. Which means I mostly shower. B/c otherwise I'd be sitting in soap scum. And that would defeat the purpose. Or not. I bathe the Japanese way...relaxation. So I actually shower first, rinse the bathtub and then fill it up w/ warm water and veg. But I don't think I could relax knowing I was sitting in my filth. Hmmm, or I could sit in warm water first, loosen up all the dirt, and then shower....Hurm. That's a thought.

Quiz: What's Your Ideal Pet?

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody. And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!

What's Your Ideal Pet?

Ooooh, ouch! Too bad I'm allergic to cats. Not that I haven't wanted them or had plenty of chances to get one, especially since one of the supervisors wants to be related thru cat to everyone in the centre. Damn allergies. Both of us too.

Yeah fish!

Um, yes, I still don't really have a name for him. Well it's supposed to be Huntail, but he doesn't seem like a Huntail. Just sorta looks like one.... Well actually I guess not.

But the exciting new is....I'm teaching him to jump for his pellet. Yes, it's true. And he seems to enjoy it. Definitely swims to me more energetically when I pass by. I just hold it over him and go "jumpu, jump-pu" and then he'll wiggle his fins, stare at it really hard, and do a little leap out of the water. It's really only about 1-2 cm out but it's still cool. And you have to tell him to jump or he'll just look at you blankly and then at the pellet and back and forth.

T's fish died. Not sure from what, but as long as it wasn't constipation. I always comment about how much poo my fish has, how long the poo string is, and giggle hilariously when it's still hanging off him and hasn't broken off. D is really grossed out by the poo. Mind you, he also doesn't like whole fish b/c they're gross too w/ their attached heads. It's easy to gross him out when I'm gutting a fish. I call him a wuss that he doesn't want to know where his food comes from.

Quiz: How Obsessive Are You?

You Are 28% Obsessive

You tend to have a few obsessive thoughts, but you generally have them under control. Sometimes your worries keep you up at night, though they usually don't interfere with your life.

How Obsessive Are You?

Ha ha ha, that's so true. I don't know how many times I've been unable to go back to sleep b/c I have to think of all the sh!t I have take care of at work. So f*ckin' sucks.

Nothing spectacular happening...and that's the problem

Well, another day where my OM has to postpone the meeting w/ him so that we can go over my interview. It's been... about 3 weeks now? I'm just at the point where I really couldn't care. I'm just sick of the place. And I'm just doing my monitors and crap b/c I'm supposed to. Well I mean I'm supposed to all along, but it was previously so I'd get noticed and get promoted and crap. Well that sure as hell didn't happen. I carried my operations team for monitors and I get bumpkiss. I have some of the worst reps of any team in the centre(for the performance appraisal, I had more unsatisfactory contributors than anyone else), but I manage to drag above-average stats outta them. So what do I get after ...4 months of stress, breakdowns, and ungodly work hours? Well 2 of my fellow Lead Reps, the ones who weren't considered 1st choices for TLs, get permanent acting TL positions. I so far have not been talked to by either the supervisor who's in charge of our group, or any other OM. Hell, I haven't even got my performance appraisal. So I'm like whatever, I'll make sure my good reps get the good treatment and taken care of, I'll gleefully write the Employment Reviews for the crappy reps, and who gives a crap about retention b/c they sure as hell aren't doing anything for me.

Yeah, I was internally LMAO when our site director was talking about retaining agents and that the most important thing is the relationship btwn the supervisor and agent. And that people leave b/c of the breakdown of that relationship. Geez, and how would you categorize our relationship? I'll tell you what it is, it's just money and benefits, and a tenous one at that. Sure I get a nice feeling when my reps tell me I'm doing a good job, and a fair bit of them were pulling for me to make TL. And since I was a teacher's pet all the way up to...well university ( Didn't have a relationship w/ my profs b/c I was a drone until my 3rd and 4th yr when classes got smaller), I'm one of those people who like to get praised that they're doing a good job. And occassionally my OM will say I'm doing good, well at least good enough that he doesn't have to look over my shoulder constantly. But any dog's not going to bother running over when the bell rings, especially when there's a smidge of rewards, and they have to be fought over.

I suppose underlying all of this is the fact that I don't know if next week I'm going to be back on the phones or what. I heard that the 2 trainers that got hired are going to become TLs this Sunday. So where does that leave me? I really don't think we have enough people hitting the floor that they'd just create 2 new teams for them. They might, but it'd be somewhat unlikely. Really job insecurity is very frustrating to say the least. It's like am I back on the phones or am I still managing a team?!

Which probably won't be helped by the fact that I politely argued w/ my rep for 3 hrs. She wanted to do things her way, and I said nope b/c the client wants it the other way. Logic on her does not work. I'm not kidding. I pointed out that she didn't do something that she's supposed to do w/ every call so she goes to me, and I quote "How can you say that I don't do that on every call?!" Uh, b/c you -don't- do it on every call. You missed it twice out of the 3 calls I monitored. I think at that point it pretty much broke down to where I just wanted to see what other dumb thing she'd say. And then afterwards I notated the crap outta her journal. 1700+ words. And today she talked to my OM, and my OM comes to me afterwards and goes," I just spent an hour w/ her and to talk to you about what she told me would take another hour so I'm just going to postpone it until next day." He didn't leave anything in her journal but there's probably something in mine. And if some SLR didn't let our supervisor know that we knew where to find them, we'd still have access to it. Oh, and that other dumb SLR who was caught editing his own journal. What an idiot.

And it doesn't help that for the last....oh I dunno month or so, I've been having a lot of pains in my abdomen region. At times I think it's PMS cramps (but so far, no evidence of it), and then it moves so that I feel like I'm going to throw up, and sometimes it's flu-like b/c I ache at the joints and have problems w/ my body temperature. I've walked around hunched over at work b/c it hurt so much, and my eyes aren't ready to tear up just b/c I'm so pissed off, depressed, and frustrated.

And I suppose the underlying thing is that I feel quite trapped in the job. I really detest job interviews...well unless I know I'm eminently overqualified for it I guess. And I really mean overqualified. I was qualified for the stupid TL thing, but didn't feel overqualified so at times I was just blurting out whatever sounded right. So there was no element of confidance there. And it's kinda like, what else do I do outside my job? Well aside from my ps2, collection of manga, comic books, dvds, there's not much else. I'm not improving any skills, and even my housework has fallen to the wayside. Sadly enough I've taken a fair bit of pride in how long and glossy my hair is even though I don't do much w/ it. And I shed like crazy. I really think I should be bald by now. Which I guess is another thing I can take pride in my hair. I may be able to form big hair balls w/ the hair I find every morning, but there's still plenty on my head!

Yeah, so to "cope" w/ this crappiness that is my life, I've taken to...having lots of sushi. I'm talking every day off, I'm heading to pick up 20+ pieces of sushi. It's getting kinda scary actually. Last day, I went there too late, and they were out, so I picked up a crab instead. The crab wasn't as good as what I've had in restaurants, but it's still crab. And cooked in the green onions and ginger style. Sooooo good just licking the sauce up.

*sigh* and there's a guy. Which I think I like. Well like -like-. But I turned him down earlier. We still flirt like mad, but it's more like practice for other potential mates. Which is all well and good, but still. I dunno. Still undecided. B/c if we go out and I turn him down again after a couple dates, it's gonna totally suck for him. And I actually care enough about his feelings to not want to hurt him. *sigh sigh* Yes double sigh.

Well I'm going to call my hubby T tomorrow and hopefully 1st wife isn't playing hooky so that we can go out. Actually after D and I live together for over a year, then we'd be common-law. Which would mean D would finally get his dream of being in a polygamous relationship, and I'd have 2 hubbies. And his 1st wife would be my best bud who is also best bud's w/ my 1st husb, and none of us will have ever actually met his 1st wife.

Quiz: What City Do You Belong In?

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

Lovely ol' place. Full of jolly blighters, wot? T'would be a real treat to go on the lolly and meet the odd chap or two for a pint.

Saw X-Men3

Yep, watched the midnight showing of X-Men 3, and while it may say Last Stand, there's definitely room for a sequel. However they'll probably need a few new characters, and definitely moving off the comic book history. FX were awesome and Kelsey Grammar was awesome as Beast. D made a lotta fun of me every time I squealed when he appeared, said "Oh my Stars and Garters" and fought. And yes people died. Storm actually got to do something. And deliver decent lines! Gotta watch it again, probably w/ JR who's seeing it...today, and then w/ some more friends. There was a section of Convergys employees there, and it was great fun. Stan Lee was in it of course. Awesome to see Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen acting together and opposite of each other. Logan was main focus of the movie again. Not that Hugh Jackman wasn't good, but again?! Geeez, shoulda been about the conflict w/in Beast. I think they really shortshrifted him, and no it's really not the fangirl talking.

But I really needed the movie. Another sh!tty day, thanks to my OM doing a 180 on what he told me earlier which made me look like an @ss to my agent. I was so furious after I told him what happened to my coaching session that I went back to my desk, bit my knuckles, cried a bit, grabbed my eyedrops and went to the washroom and was kinda okay. And then went back to desk, aimed a bunch of it to JR, and then my OM came to talk to me, and that's where I went "I'm so frustrated b/c of what you did," and started bawling again. And he has the nerve to tell me that I should be so morally upset that I had to tell a "white lie" to my rep b/c he wanted to be the one to talk to her about a crappy call, but b/c he mentioned it and was unable to play it to the rep, the rep asked me about it. And then he tries to explain his 180 to me, and it's like "so b/c you didn't think this thru, you tell me to say something to my rep which you contradict". I was soooo pissed. Anyways, he goes to me "take off at 10:00" which is really only 30 min before my scheduled end time anyways. Yeah, whoop dee doo. And he asked me how I thought I did on my interview out of 10, so I go 5. And then he asks me how much effort do I think I put into this job, and I go 10. And he's like well actually I'd say 9 b/c 10 is pretty high. So I go to him "have you checked my door swipes?" and he says "No, should I?" in that way of 'have you been taking off in the middle of the day and that's why you're always here so freaking late?'. So I tell him, "well if you did, then you'd have to give me a week off. Paid." He was a bit quiet after that. And the kicker is, the centre is behind on monitors for the month, however I've already hit my target and gone over by 10 (which incidentally was what he was threatening in the TL meeting to increase the target to just so that we'll meet the centre target). So not only have I met my target, but I have also met the proposed future target. AND I DON'T GET THE F*CKING JOB?!?!?! I've been doing the same crap as the other TLs w/ the exception making some payroll adjustments (which really take about 10 min), have stats that are in the upper middle of the centre, and I'm NOT GOOD ENOUGH?! JR vented to me about this b*llshit earlier b/c all the SLRs got shafted, and seriously, they have to get their heads outta their @sses. The trainers got appreciation day, where the hell is ours?!

Anyways, I'll have to be more civil when I go for my appt w/ my OM where he goes over my interview. But if he's so worried about retention, maybe he should start retaining the people who deserve it.

Quiz: What Gemstone Are You?

Your Gemstone is Topaz

Comforting, considerate, and stable. You are down to earth and grounded.

What Gemstone Are You?

Hmmm, topaz. Well, let's see about topazes. From The Mineral Gallery "

• Chemistry: Al 2 SiO 4 (F, OH) 3, Aluminum silicate fluoride hydroxide.
• Class: Silicates
• Subclass: Nesosilicates
• Uses: gemstones and optical properties are useful in industry.

...Topaz is the hardest silicate mineral and one of the hardest minerals in nature....Topaz crystals can reach incredible size of several houndred pounds. Topaz can make very attractive mineral specimens due to their high luster, nice colors and well formed and multifaceted crystals."

Well that was informative. Unfortunately I wasn't born in November, but I'm useful, can get really big, and can cleave easily if hit in the right spot, but am hard the rest of the time. Huhn, well I guess that's actually a pretty accurate assessment.

If only we all walked out...

Well found out who got the TL positions. And it was none of the SLRs. At least not from the looks of it. Actually probably not at all. It went to the 2 trainers that applied and a RH. So out of the 5 positions offered, 3 are filled, and possibly the other 2 are filled by external hires. That is just a knee btwn the legs, kicking sand in the face while since you're on the ground, and then taking a dump on you. Yup, it's going to be pretty nasty back where a lot of us sit. And a lot of us were talking about looking for another job if we didn't get a good reason for not getting it, or namely if people got it that we don't think deserved it. Nothing against the RH, but WTF?!

At least there were a fair bit of people on my team that thought that I should get the job b/c they thought I was a really good TL. And you know what, I may not be the best at interviews, and I don't play office politics well b/c all I see is a lotta bullsh!t, but stats-wise and the fact that I've consistently been near the top of the production team in monitors and quality should mean a lot more than how smooth I am. Pffffttt, whatever. Of course, I'm sure they'll monitor how well I take the rejection and if I just slack off or just keep working steady as usual. Although I really think we should all take off for a couple hours at the same time and see how they like it for dissing us like this. Bloody wankers!

Heh, I was just thinking that I should fill out one of those sheets for leave of absences that I usually end up doing for schedule accomodation for the reps. Hmmm, Quality, well let's see I haven't been on the phones for about 3 months, but considering my target for monitors is 100 and I always go over that by about 10 whereas other TLs struggle just to get 90. Oh, and attendance, well if you consider all the unpaid OT I've done, I think I have 120% attendance. So yeah, FU I want a break from this crap. And to look for something better.

And in a way I'm angry, but I'm also sorta resigned to the fact that I will inevitably get screwed b/c I don't play their game. So I think it's time to get back to school, or at least do something I want to do instead of slave away at this dead-end place. It pays the bills, but doesn't anything else for me.

Descent into Hell

Had the TL interview and it was as horrible as I thought. However I wasn't the first one to do it. However I was forced to work 11 hrs. They told me the interview was on my "personal time". F*cking wankers. I'm so tired. Going to sleep now.

Guinea Pig

Well, yesterday of the 3 people I asked, I was the only one that got the interview letter. The others didn't letters which either means that they're doing the interviews in 2+ waves or they're printing the PFO letters later. And they have a new format for the interview, it's about 3 hours w/ 3 parts, done by all the OMs + site director and Quality head. Basically it's modelled after the TL Review/Assessment that the current TLs had to go thru. And since I have mine tomorrow in the morning...I must be the guinea pig. (only gave me really 1 day to prepare b/c I can't really prepare at work when I'm working now, can I?) I'm so looking forward to it, not! Actually I'm getting nauseous just writing about it. I'm not good w/ interviews in the first place and having no real clue on what kind of torture they may put me thru. Or right, shouldn't think of it as torture, just merely a way to get to know me better session. But what if I don't want them to know me?!?!

And of course if I turn it down, then all the other people who got PFO letter would be upset at me. Which is up to them of course, I can't control their feelings, and all that like JR told me, but still. I showed the letter to those who didn't get one, and one of them upon seeing the format, went "Gawd, I'm glad I didn't get it then. Holy cr@p!" Anyways, as for preparation... considering just thinking about it makes me wanna puke... I think I'll wing it for answers, but have a format on how to answer. That may be the best and only way to do it b/c otherwise I'll have written out scenario after scenario, and might as well have a book. Unlike D, I don't rehearse potential conversations.

Read Ranma Vol 34 last night, and it was Ranma's mother finding out. And it did give me strength b/c Ranma worried and worried, and his mom just accepted it. Of course she was so happy to see him that she didn't care, but it's sorta the "not all things are going to be worst case scenario". Although I think I will ask if I get a washroom break btwn the interview parts. So my worst case scenario? I think aside from throwing up, stuttering, talking so fast I don't even know what I'm saying, sweating so much I'm drenched, drawing complete blanks and having to make something b/c even though they say "take your time" we all know they're not going to sit there for 5 min while you try to think of something.

Uhhhnnn, not feeling well. And I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tks in when I get there b/c the interview starts at 11:30 and my shift starts at 2:00-10:30 and I really don't want to be there for 11 hrs. *hurk* This royally sucks. Maybe if I slip in the tub, I don't have to do it and they'll just give it to me.

So embarrasing, but I suppose I should note it....

It was on Monday that I'd requested immediate vacation days from my OM and when he asked why, I got all upset crying and said I was super-stressed out. Why? Trying to do too much at the same time? Spending 9+ hr days at work? Trying to be friendly and happy to my agents when I want to strangle half of them and shake sense into the rest? Who knows. But it was so embarrasing, and the problem is that once I start, I can't stop, especially if I think about it again. So I actually ended up crying about 3 more times afterwards. Once in the bathroom, and then twice again when I was in the private room w/ JR. The only way I could compose myself was to think/talk about anything else. So I thought up names for my future cows in Harvest Moon. Wiped my eyes so many times that my eyelids were raw, and I had to splash water on my eyes the next morning when I was washing my face instead of using my face cloth. And then my tea tree oil moisturizer burnt, so I had to pull out the night cream. It was very rough. I'm okay now, although on Wednesday, when someone said that I didn't look well and I should go home, I got all upset again. It's just *shudder* bad. Like I've said before, never was this wasted when I was on the phones. Although when I was SLR...maybe I should get outta this place. But it's sorta, will any other place be different?

Relaxing but productive weekend

So after the week from heck, I have the weekend off. Spent it getting a VM really late so I missed going to the graveyard for Mother's day. Did an AIDS mouth swab test for life insurance. Crossed the river valley on my own, and spent about 4 hours on Whyte Ave, going up and down to the different optomertrists shops looking for sunglasses. Found a pair of Raybans that came closest to fitting and looking decent but it was $124. Gawd, so sucks having a huge wide head. Didn't buy them though. I'll just keep looking. Got my yaoi. Little Butterfly struck a chord. And forgot to get backing boards. Ate sushi, and was having a very pleasant time too, slowly drinking my tea, savouring each piece... until a quartet of ignorant airheads came in and sat next to me. Then the migraine came back. Read a manga in Chapters. Walked in the park and nearly walked off the path into the bushes b/c I was busy staring at the sky thru the branches of the trees. That was amazing fun to just walk down the path like that, and looking at the clouds and trees. Very peaceful and relaxing. Cooked. Spent about 2 hrs belting out tune on Karaoke Revolution. I think I'm getting better. Played Harvest Moon. Played Star Ocean. Slept.

Pointed out that D's alarm is waking me up even though he goes back to sleep afterwards. Emptied out my drawers and Rubbermaid and sorted comics. Badly regretted forgetting to pick up backing boards. I have over 2 yrs worth of Hellblazer I need to bag. Kowai! I seem to be missing several books also, including my X-Statix vs Avengers TPB. I think I lent it, and several others to J. We used to share books, and he kept several titles and I had a bunch, so I dunno who's keeping She-Hulk b/c I have some of the latter issues. I'm starting to run out of room in my boxes. They used to be sorted btwn families, but now they're all jumbled together. Black Panther is not a limited series. I'm quite enjoying the KOF 2003 that Dr. Master is putting out. Ash was sorta a meh char when I played him on PS2, didn't have great moves, but he's a hoot in the comic. However the SNK vs. Capcom is totally p!ssing me off. Iori's getting his ass handed to him, even Orochi Iori gets captured and killed in one shot. WTF?! And I sooooo hate Bison. Stupid pillow thighs.

*sigh* I don't want to go to work tomorrow. They still haven't handed out the PFO/interview letters. And I still don't know if I wanna even bother trying for TL. I wrote a pretty intense email to my former TL, who's currently a pariah at the centre b/c of office politics, and b/c he and his wife just had a baby, he hasn't replied yet. I dunno what to do. I think my head's still mussed up. And it doesn't help that one of my reps had a call that was recorded and the customer gave her cr@ppy mark. But listening to the call, the customer was a total b!tch. She messed herself up and then accuses us of screwing her. She didn't have a single clue of what she was saying, just complained about the bill. My agent tried to help her, but knew that the customer was an idiot, and you know how it's just too tempting to talk at people who are morons and talking outta their asses? Well that's kinda what happened. So my OM asked me to listen to the call and rate it, and so I said that yeah, the agent was argumentative but did try to help the customer but the customer wouldn't listen, so there's not much more the agent coulda done. Two egos clashing. OM didn't think the same way, and started quizzing me on the elements of call quality. Well I don't believe in double-deducting for things, but he was saying the issue couldn't be resolved b/c the agent's fault, whereas my stance is that the agent attempted multiple times. Anyways, he ends up telling me that I can't tell her that he and the site director are going to pull the agent aside and talk to her about the call, and I have to back them on their decision. Such bogus. I really hate office politics. I wonder if that's half my stress. Oh screw half the stress, probably almost all my stress. You can't just do your job, gotta watch out for everyone's egos, and then when you try, then they say you're being a fool. Bleeaaaahhhhkkkkk!

Gotta get work outta mind so I can get to sleep. Hurm, I was strangely quite hungry this evening. Had big bowl of taro noodles w/ squid, carrots, celery, chives and it was tres tasty. But I was still hungry! So I cooked up a chicken thigh and it sorta filled me. And then about 3 hrs later b/c D was cooking pizza, I had 1/4 of a 12" pie. Like what the heck??! Anyways.... From Far Away is an excellent manga. Orphen isn't bad. I'm hesitant to read Yami no Matsuei b/c I think Vol 11 is the last one. Sorta the if you don't say it, it ain't true syndrome. Reading H's Harry Potter. Oh, I'd cleaned the bathtub on Tuesday(had nasty bathtub ring and was seriously backing up) (b/c Monday was my really really bad day, and Tuesday was my day off) and since I went home early on Wednesday, I sat in the bath for about 1 1/2 hrs soaking and reading Potter. Although I wasn't feeling too well still b/c I was getting seasick. Shush, it's true, the waves kinda made me sick. Read a good chunk of it while I had Anime Hardcore Radio playing. Nice having the bathroom connect to your room, though I wish I had a fan in the bathroom sometimes....it's for when I use the Liquid Plumber!

Quiz: What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Your Ideal Relationship is Friends Only

Honestly, you're not really ready for a relationship right now. And you prefer to keep things platonic, for now. That's not to say that one of your friends could be dating material. You're just taking a break for now.

What's Your Ideal Relations

Yeah, that sounds about right. Lord knows, I've had plenty of offers. And just b/c my break has been...a long time, is fine w/ me.

Another round of the ass-kissing

*groan* They opened up 5 postings for TL and I applied, ever so dutifully. Do I really want it? Errr, sorta maybe, but I don't wanna work in a call centre forever. There's that stigma associated w/ it for one thing. And although I'm getting better at not bringing my crap home (by reading loads of manga/comics, playing on PS2, and thinking of their plots when I'm trying to get to sleep instead of what sh@t I have to do the next day), I still end up staying at work for more than my shift to do crap. Want the money, but don't want the responsibility I guess. Or should I say don't want to feel like I've cleaned out the Valkyries' stables only to be told to clean out Zeus' stables and afterwards clean up after Dionysius' orgies. It's caused me unbelievable amts of stress that I've broken down in front of my MO, and probably should've gone home but I had crap to do, so I just took a half hour break and went back to work.

Finished writing an email to one of my TLs that's away on leave, and basically just recalling all the stuff I have to go thru at work, sent me into tears. Even commenting on it now... has me weeping. It's just...I'm so f*cking stressed. I don't know if it's the time of the month, b/c H also had hers recently, and w/ my non-regular non-cycle it could really happen almost any time after 30 days. Ugh, was looking in my blog/memory device and it's been just over a month that I wrote I'd bawled in front of my MO. And here I go again. I'm not quite at the point where I'm leaving dents in my knuckles from jamming it in my mouth to keep from screaming and crying (yes, I did that at work and the pain helped) but I'm getting close. All's I know is that I never had to do this when I was on the phones.

*heavy breath* Anyways, just wanted to make a note to help me w/ my memory. This is what my life is like right now, and I don't know how to make it better. I know it's not the sh@ts and all that bollocks about others being worse off, and I should focus on all the good stuff that I've got for me....but it's just this tiny gap in a smothering fog of despair. (I won't say light and dark b/c it's so cliche and really why is dark so bad? I know the fairy tale about fire and dangerous night for the Cro-Magnon) Going to bed. They're going to announce who gets the PFO letter and who has to get their clothes to the drycleaners...today.