Don't bite the hand you want to help you

So I'm still a bit steamed at JR. On Friday, I was only finished w/ about 28 monitors, and the I still had about 2 more days to do monitors, so technically I only needed to do another 2 and I'd be finished. However JR was short by about 4 and it was his last day of the week to do them. So he asked me if I'd wanna do monitors for him, and it's like "nope, do 'em yourself. *lol*" Anyways, later on when everyone'd gone home, and we were talking to V about the shortage of Floor Support and how the TLs are being dragged into doing it. JR started going about how he's always the one the Floor Support goes to have things done, how some TLs have to be told to do provide Floor Support while he spends most of his time helping agents, and then he looks at me in a somewhat joking way. So I'm like whatever, I do help when I see agents who need help. And then JR goes "yeah but you always have your head down when you're monitoring." And I'm As if, whatever, I don't really give a sh!t, it's not like I'm TL next week. Well he goes to me "well you'd better change your attitude or you're going to be on phones all the time." Yeah, well that totally pissed me off. 1) he brought up an incident that he knew was a sore point for me 2)he was the one that asked for help w/ monitors 3) I used to be Floor Support before I was SLR and the only reason why they don't go to me is b/c they don't know if I'm being a TL or stuck on the phones from day-to-day.4) the reason why he doesn't have as many monitors is b/c he's not as efficient as I am. So I think V knew I was p!ssed off after that (b/c I don't usually swear out loud at work), and when I went home that night, I didn't say bye to JR even though he's my bf. And then over the weekend I turned off AIM just in case he was going to go on. And today, I got a SMS from saying that it's my fault that he's sick now (I got sick after LL and SM's wedding on 7th) and he had a "lol" on it. I'm thinking, "Well that's just the gods' wrath for arguing w/ me." For a personal who doesn't belong to any religion I do believe in gods. More for fun and to explain inexplicable things, but yeah, I'm still poed.

And I suppose the same situation is at work. Hence my work-to-rule policy. Yesterday I was supposed to be off b/c it's supposed to be that TL's Sunday off, but I didn't know, so went in. Which I didn't care much after I found out. Better to be paid another day at TL level than at rep level. Ended up surfing the web, printing out all the crap I needed when I'm on the phones, entered monitors and updated journals. Stuff like that.

Quiz: Your Wonderful Pirate Life!!! UPDATED!!! Wonderful Results!

.:MR. GIBBS:.Captain Jack Sparrow: Thinks you are a great friend, but he wouldnt die for you or anything like that...(like he'd die for anyone)William Turner: He thinks you are a wonderful person and a wonderful friend to haveElizabeth Swan: You and her are close, sharing secrets and helping each other out.Mr. Gibbs: Loves you. He thinks you are the most beautiful woman on earth and a wonderful person. He would die for you...wow.Norrington: Thinks you a beautiful and loves you as a friend.Davy Jones: Doesnt really know you, but plans to kill you anyway. Its just how he works.Bootstrap Bill Turner: Doesnt really know you that well, but he thinks you are a great person and prettyJack (the monkey): Loves you because you play with him when the others cant, and defend him from Jack at times..:STORY:.You sigh, taking another swig of rum in the mess cabin, enjoying a small party with your crew mates. You noticed that many of them had been eyes you, but you stayed by Gibbs...he had always protected you. Shivering slightly as one of the crew attempted to touch your leg, you walked over to Gibbs, who had seen this and was glaring at the young man. You slid into his arms...he was your best freind...and stayed there the rest of the night, finally falling asleep against his chest.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
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Did this one just to see the results. And I actually thought Mr. Gibbs was either the guy w/ the wooden eye or his buddy. But Mr. Gibbs wouldn't be a bad choice really. Nice bloke. Hasn't managed to drink himself into a stupor despite working for Jack. lol

Quiz: Your life at Hogwarts(GURLS ONLY)

Your life at Hogwarts(GURLS ONLY).

Your House: GF.Your bf: RonYour friends: everybody in gf.what you look likeLYou have waist length golden curly blonde hair and baby blue eyes. You are about 5'1". You are slim, but still have ebough curves to make Ron salivate over you. You are a classic beauty. You are just about, everyones friend, even the slytherins kind of like you.What your friends think of you:Ron: She's the love of my life. I still can't belive she's mine. I'm head over heels in love with her.Hermione: Im a bit envious she got ron, but she's still my friend.Harry: She's beautiful, but I know she's rons. Besides, I got my own love.Ginny: I love her like a sister. I wish she and ron would get married so she would be my sister.Thw twins: Think yor okay. Prefer their own hottie.How it happened:-D :You were sitting up in a tree when suddenly you were pushed out. When you were able to regain your senses you saw that malfoy had pushed you out. Now he was walking toward you. He grabbed your waist and pushed his mouth on you. She tried to get away, but he was too strong. You made al the noise you could, flailing your arms and legs. Suddenly you were pulled apart by ron. He shouted at Draco, "what the hell are you doing?" Malfoy tried to answer but Ron was too quick he used a curse on him that made the word: Harrasser appear all over his skin. Malfoy got up and ran to the hospital wing. You were alone with ron. He sat down and you uttered thanks saying you would do anything for him. He thoght about it for him, then he looked at you. His face grew softer, than he pulled you closer to him, till you were almost in his lap. Then he kissed you.It was a gentle kiss, but passionate. Colors exploded in your head, and fireworks went off. You broke apart and he said, "_____Will you be my girlfriend?" "Yes",you replied,"I'd be glad to". Then you smiled. He pulled you into another kiss, a bit rougher, and you kissed back. Soon you were in his lap. I wont go into more details.Please rate! This quiz took me a long time. I'm not making you, but will you please?
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I don't mind the result ie. getting Ron as my bf, but gah! The whole scenario and what "I look like" is so lame. Definitely written by someone just hitting puberty. Ron'd be the dependable but slightly exasperating bf. I was leaning towards the twins b/c they're hilarious, but I'd probably pull my hair out half the time, and chasing after them on the broom LMAO in the other. Cedric's a bit too perfect. Harry was also a possibility, and at least he's not a main character I hate. Draco...can I beat him? No really. Just for fun. Make him into my slave.

Geez, I can't believe I'm doing Harry Potter quizzes. I'm onto the 5th book...uh...what's the title? Order of the Phoenix. So far it's the most interesting. We all must have an Umbridge in our life. I have a feeling that Rowling wrote the teachers based on several people. As a series, it's not bad. The characters were largely 2 dimensional until this book. It's not a "I must have it for my own" series (I'm reading H's) but it's entertaining enough for me to read in the tub w/o drowning. Wouldn't mind seeing the movies though.

Prophecy? or some wierd symbolism?

This morning (cause I sleep till noon) I had a dream that someone at my workplace died. Not died there, or in front of me, but she got into a vehicle accident and died. I know who she is but I'm somewhat neutral towards her. Yeah, she got the supervisor position instead of me, and was only a rep when she got it, but I think she's a nice girl. But yeah, so I dreamed that she died, and people who knew her were all upset and wanted the entire centre to be closed so that they could go to her funeral and then wanted everyone's journal w/ the death. I think I was acting supervisor in the dream, and I was acting sympathetic but realistic. There was no way in hecked they'd close the centre, and there's no way I'd update 400+ journals. Yeah so I hear about the death, and I was all "I'm so sorry to hear that. Oh you want a day off, oh okay, but it'll have to be unpaid"

Yeah, so I have no clue what that was, but it happened. I've had dreams which included people I went to elementary w/ and we'd just sorta meet in the street or what have you. But I'm sleepy now.

Quiz: How Brutally Honest Are You?

You Are 52% Brutally Honest

Honesty is important to you, but generally, you try not to be brutal about it. You'll sugar coat the truth when you need to... and tell a white lie when necessary.

How Brutally Honest Are You?

Heh, one of the questions was "has your mouth ever gotten you into trouble", and it's like Oh yeah. Do I lack tact? Yup. Ah, quizzes good when you're about to pass out.

Bitterness is my state

So I open my email on Saturday to find out that I'm not taking over the specialized team. They decided instead to let the other TL take over both teams. Why? Oh, b/c the vacationing TL was able to do it for a month, so the other TL should be able to do it. Coincidentally enough, the OM for the specialized team also happens to be the one that reamed me out the other day, and had the nerve to say "if you want to be a TL..." Yeah, so basically as long as those 2 OMs are at the site, I probably won't ever be hired as a TL.

Yeah, so it was just great to find out in email. Apparently the assignment supervisor tried to call me on Friday, but b/c I don't have Caller ID, I didn't know who it was. But he didn't bother to leave a VM. Probably got too scared of my VM greeting. It's ... unique. Well it's very serious and all proper for the beginning, but then there's a little twist at the end. And then when he called me on Saturday when I was at work, I was like steel on the phone. "Yes, I read the email." "Uh huh." "Okay." "Bye." At this point, I don't particularly care if I get to fill in for other TLs. Unless it means taking over teams that have friends or acquaintances on it, it's like "whatever. I get paid more."

*nod nod* Excellent job in retaining employees as usual. *heavy sarcasm* At least while I'm on calls I can read or color or something. I haven't for a while b/c it's just such a chore to find or do anything in their dumbass systems that I don't have time during the call to do stuff b/c it's all so slow. Spend half the time watching the hourglass. Or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself it won't be that bad. It's still quite the slap in the face to be tossed back on the phones when they were bitching about not having enough SLRs to cover all the vacationing TLs.

Which may be why I'm still up when I should be sleeping b/c I'm so tired. I have a tendancy to do that. If I know the next day is going to suck, I'll forestall it anyway I can. Technically that doesn't actually happen, but since when I sleep, I don't notice any passage of time, it's like time fastfowards when I'm sleeping. So it's a bit of a paradox, but it makes sense in my little world. Oh, I guess I should check when I work...huh 1:30. Bah. Still haven't gotten my fckng Performance Appraisal, 2 months after they were supposed to be delivered.

Okay, well I'm getting a headache from being up at 7:30 (after turning over when it was 6:30 and I was supposed to get up at 6:45) and thus having to eat my breakfast at work since I'm supposed to work at 8. All this after getting home from watching Pirates of Carribean at 1:00a, and getting to be at around 2.

I'll try writing a review of the movie another time. But the short version of it is...it sucked.

Work To Rule

Yes, another "I hate my job" post. We'll start w/ the most immediate impact. I hate my job b/c they don't have consistent hours. The bastards decided to start at 8 on weekdays, 10 on Saturday and 6 on Sunday. Like WTF? So of course I forgot it's Saturday (well not technically b/c I set the VCR to program my cartoons), so I drag my @ss outta bed and start walking to work. And at least realize half a block later, I coulda slept for another 2 hrs. And I'd be taking a nap on the futon if it weren't that I'm recording Pokemon right now, and I want the TV to sleep to.

Anyways, last night I stayed up late to pose my Pokemon plush to form a picture for my camera phone. ...What?! It's not easy to make static objects appear that they're alive. I also have a few of my other plush toys, and it makes me happy.

So back to that hellhole, b/c of mismanagement of resources, they don't have enough floor support so they're pulling the supervisors to fill in instead. Which means we can't meet our deliverables. And it wouldn't be so bad if every supervisor was doing it, but of course there's a bunch that're slackers, and everyone knows about it. So after losing my 3rd official monitor, I ask the OM when they're going to put more floor support on, and she gives me a cock-n-bull story, so I'm like "fine, whatever" toss off my headset and dispose of the monitor sheet (b/c of customer privacy and all the crap) by ripping it. W/ this OM, she won't directly talk to you about it. Instead you hear about it a couple hours or days later, and she'll take offense over anything. Once I told her that "I felt I was being punished for something that happened that was no fault of my own" (I was asked to go on a trip but b/c of their system error, they couldn't create an expense account, and after I worked on it for about 4 hours of my own time, they said they chose someone else b/c they couldn't wait), and so she tells me that she's sorry I feel that way. And then a day later I hear from my supervisor that she felt I was acting unprofessionally. And you couldn't tell me this yourself?! So anyways, again, she tells my OM this, and so he pulls me aside and basically tells me to cover up for their asinine decisions and put on a happy face b/c the reps are watching. Oh, and that "monitors will happen." Sure they do, especially if I were to make them up. But no, he faults me for having a rep listen to his call, while I try to listen to another rep's call and enter monitors at the same time, and accuses me of not efficiently using company time. When during while I was doing that, another OM walked by and said "That's some multitasking!" So I'm just sick of this bull and it's work to rule time.

And I was told my assignment supervisor to take over a specialized team(which had a lotta my friends on it), and I was happy. And when I go to the soon-to-be-vacationing TL that (who shoulda known by now), she's like "oh, uh really, let me check w/ the OM" and didn't look to pleased. And I'm like "WTF?" and was pretty hurt b/c I thought we were on very good terms. The place is a viper pit. No, actually I'm insulting the vipers.

Yeah, so anyways, I had taken over a team on July 19 for another vacationing TL, and he's supposed to be back on Monday, which is when I'm supposed to take over that other team. Oh, and after my OM reamed me about about my professionalism and how I won't get TL if I keep it up, he just goes "that's all I wanted to talk to you about." Nada thing about how I'm doing w/ the team. So I ask him directly, and he goes "oh that team's pretty good." So in other words, any improvements or maintainment of stats is purely due to the team, and not me. I've seen other SLRs lose their teams b/c they messed up the management, so he's basically insulting my abilities. Me bitter? What for?

My vacation ended on July 12, and I got all sick from handling money at animethon, so I didn't get to go walking in the river valley. Although I did play a lotta ps2 and watch dvds. I was so sick, I could barely walk the block to the bank to pay my bill. And I was hacking and sneezing stuff up. I wanna go back on vacation.

Okay, vcr's fini, I'm going to sleep. For the hour. oh well.

Quiz: What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Cool, I'm acid! H did some acid, and told us about it. It was hilarious what happened to her. I think most people would agree that my mood is very mecurial, and if I'm on a bad "trip", it's hard to get me outta it.

Quiz: What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

20% Yankee

15% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

And I have no idea what that means b/c I'm Canadian. Of course w/ the amt of american programming that I've grown up w/, there's no doubt why I'd have American in there. I think only twice has a caller asked if I was canadian b/c of my accent. I think it might be b/c of the way I say route which rhymes w/ out. But I could be wrong. I have no idea why the Americans find "about" so interesting.

My so-called vacation starts

So I'm on my vacation. Finally. Gawd, I was so burnt out. And I think I still am. I was having a lotta abdomen pains lately, and today it was still the same thing. The sudden need to visit the bathroom. Was very annoying. And still is. However I did put out all my figures. So nice to look above my desk and see all my cuties standing there. Showed D, and he said that the poses that H puts her figures in are a lot more blatant and very sexual. I have one where Meryl has her derringer pulled on Wolfwood b/c Wolfwood has his hand out trying to get money from her by putting the portable confession on her. She's just finished tossing the mini-church to the floor. The most "sexual" thing I have is that all the KOF girls are surrounding Iori and looking at him admirably. I'm not sure if Dark Beast playing "guess who?" on Beast really counts. Anyways, I need to get a doll stand for my 12" Iori figure so he can stand instead of sitting all the time.

Got a call from JR and he goes to me that he can't understand how I couldn't get out of work before 11. He said the only reason why he was there until 11 was b/c he goofed off and had to write up a sudden CAP. That totally pissed me off. Even if he was teasing me, it implies that 1) I spent most of my time goofing off 2)I worked but was so inefficient that I spun my wheels 3)I just stayed long to appear that I was working my @ss off. I'm so freaking tempted to just ignore all his calls for a while. Tomorrow is his day off and he'll be golfing at the company golf tournament, so he'll probably call. He did something similar when we were at work, and since we AIM each other, he said that I had a 50 min break b/c AIM was idle for that long. And it's like, well if I'm on the other server, it's going to show that, and he's like "nope, you were slacking." And considering I've put in so much extra OT, that even if I took an extra 20 min, I would've earned it, I was right poed. So when I got to my desk I AIMed him that I was going to ignore him and it took about an hour before he broke down and apologized. Yeah, I'm still pretty pissed about his VM. Almost tempted to write a nasty txt msg.

So what if I'm not very mature. JR was trying to convince me to go to the golf tournament, and I don't play. So I go to him, "what am I going to do? Put stinkbombs in all of their golfbags?" And he goes, "No, you're supposed to schmooze." I reply "Naw, I'm going to run around putting stinkbombs in their golfbags." The whole concept of schmoozing disgusts me. This of course is in no small part influenced by the fact that I didn't get the TL position. Basically just when I got the team cleaned up and my work hours down, I lose my position. So I hand over a team that has been coached about everything and is finally doing really well to someone who beat me for the position. Now why would I be bitter? Most of my reps were pretty good too and tried to cheer me up, and say that they didn't want someone else to be their TL. One of them even said that they should ask him why I should remain his TL b/c I helped him improve his stats and we know each other fairly well now. A lot of them asked me to check up on them once I get back from my vacation. It does warm the cockles of my heart.

Ow, I'm hurting again down there. At times it feels like the gallbladder, and then it's about where my appendix is. Right now it's appendix. And it's so annoying, I'll get super tired, and ready to drop, and then I'll get a 2nd wind to stay awake. But I'm sleepy now, and my keyboard is screwing up. Spacebar is wacked ever since I cleaned it.

J's in a mess b/c of M. M messes up his life, and J tries to help him w/ it, when he's got probs of his own to deal w/. And since J's outta town, can't even go see him. I wouldn't trust M w/ any money, and J lent him $1000 to help him move and pay for stuff. And of course M got kicked out again, and J's wondering if he should move outta his parent's and share a space w/ M. If it was me, I'd tell him it'd only happen if I had control over his finances, and he had to keep a job for longer than a couple months. D may be easily distracted, and blows his money more than he saves, but at least he realizes that he needs to keep his job and save enough for bills.

Quiz: What Mythological Creature are you?

You scored as Demon. Demon: Darkness is your sanctuary. Demons are many and are all different in appearence and rank. The most common are the ones that feed off of human souls. They love to make someone fall into their inner darkness. Blood, wrath, murder... You name it they love it. These beings don't care who you are, if they set their sights on you, let's just hope you know a good excorist. They kill any love within you and pull you toward their side. By any means possible. You wish for chaos and hate, you are the Demon. Demon 84% Faerie 67% Mermaid 58% WereWolf 50% Dragon 50% Angel 50% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

Fu fu fu fu! It's so much fun watching the transistion btwn life and death, and trying to pinpoint that exact moment. But so hard to find test subjects. Heh heh. *Kodachi-laugh*

But I'm still partially a bit of a faery....who are loving, playful, and have a childlike enthusiasm for life. Okay, that's a bit different. Hmm, I guess I like having life around so I can bring them back and take it away. Again and again.

WWE Vengeance

Well Sunday sure didn't turn out like I expected. Was hoping that Warp was open till 5, but nope, and I got there 15 min late. Well actually we b/c D decided to come along. Argh, if I had my Discman going and didn't have to slow down, I might've been able to make it. So no comics. Oh well, I think I have Wednesday off, so maybe I'll pick them up then. But just comics, b/c manga's going to have to wait until Animethon. Except for my yaoi.

Anyways, as we wandered down the street, D wanted to see "See no Evil" but it's already in the dollar theatre. And so we went to see Vengeance instead. Didn't expect the Angle vs. Orton match to start the show b/c we were late b/c we needed to pick up food at T&T first. Saw the end, so can't give opinion on it. The Eugene vs. Umaga shoulda been first. Can't make comment on it either b/c I went to the washroom. Didn't think I was in there that long but it was already over. Foley vs. Flair was bad as Foley promised. Intercontinental was absolutely awesome. Carlito was funny and showed a lotta moves he hadn't used before which was cool. Didn't think he was that aerial. The 3-man suplex/powerbomb was the best. Crowd was chanting "Holy shit" afterwards. The Kane vs Kane got the "boring" chant instead. And it was pretty bleh. I think if the real Kane acted upset that fake Kane was copying all his moves, it woulda helped sell the story. I was actually starting to close my eyes btwn matches and nod off during the matches. Even during the Sabu vs. Cena. Sabu was super suicidal and took some nasty bumps. But that's major talent. Cena is so lame, Sabu had to carry him. DX was wickedly funny. Very nice. And we know that HHH doesn't wear a cup.

Don't know why video stores don't carry wrestling dvds. Was trying to find ECW One Night stand. Found stupid UFC instead though. Ended up watching the Family Guy Stewie DVD. Was pretty funny, commentary was quite good. I always wondered which char Seth McFarland actually talks like. For some reason I thought he might be Peter. And JR kept complimenting me all thru the night, btwn the tickle session, massage, and competition to see who could name off more finisher wrestling moves. I mean, what I am I supposed to say other than "thank you"? Well actually I just kept adding "and evil" to the end of all of them. B/c I'm 62% evil.

T&T had some sushi left at store-close which is sooo wierd. Can't believe I spent $20 on sushi. But it was sooo hard to resist. And it'd be going in garbage if no one bought it so....it called to me. But I can't finish it all tonight.

To Slack or not to Slack

So it's going to be my last week as TL coming up. And boy, do I feel like doing a whole lotta nothing. Except for letting my reps get away w/ everything. Nawww, actually I really don't feel like that. Lates, attendance, all that visible stuff I think I'll still chase after them for. Or at least notate that I talked to them about it. Though having them offline for 30 min for a pizza party is cool w/ me. Anyways, not that I could slack all that much. Total f*ckhead who's doing the scheduling is screwing w/ everyone's schedule. He has people working only 32 hrs a week, working multiple weekends in a row. It's so f*ckin' screwed up. I have to do correction entries constantly. At least I'm totally on target for monitors. Yeah, as usual I'm carrying the production team again. And again, all I can say is why is the person who meets monitor targets, has above average quality, almost always meets all deliverables is the one who doesn't get the job? Oh, right, probably b/c they want me to clean everything up. F*ckers. Why should it matter that I'm not slick when I'm interviewing?! Not everyone can be the Rock.

Anyways, I think it's time to start looking at other things. I'm thinking more education-wise. It just feels sad when all I can talk about is work or ps2. Gonna really try to put aside time and get D to teach me how to play bass guitar. And I won't deny that Iori Yagami sparked my interest. *drool* Iori-sama....

Anyways, gonna spend my weekend cleaning. Hopefully. Tends to not happen unfortunately. But I really need to do it so when my cousin comes over, she'll go "Ohmigod" b/c I have so many figures and books, and not b/c her feet got tangled up in my hairball. Yeah, still have to unpack my figures. So sad. Dusting's a major chore. The ventilation causes a lotta dust, and there's still a lotta dust flying around even when you're about 50m above street level. But those Swiffer things are so wasteful.

My best bud H is coming back in August. The wankers that hired her for teaching English decided not to renew her contract. Which sucks b/c it was a good source of income, but she was totally miserable over there. Amazing how a city of 10 million utterly has no interesting culture. She blew thru all the monuments in the first month! Gonna have to talk to landlord about moving to a larger apt. Checked our lease, unfortunately it doesn't expire when she comes back, but if we can move into a larger apt in the building, it'll be sweet. Btwn the 3 of us, shouldn't be too bad for the higher rent.

I hope I can hang out w/ T before he goes to CA. Just to hang out b/c we don't really get to do that at work. Both of us have too good of a work ethic to slack off and just chat. And I owe JR a movie and dinner, so maybe I can take care of those tomor... today also.

Quiz: Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0

You scored as Beast. Beast is an intelligent, politcal spokesman for the X-Men. He has a Ph.D in Genetics and is well versed in literature. He may look like a blue fuzzy monster, but deep down he's very benevolent and logical. Powers: Enhanced strength and agility Beast 85% Rogue 75% Storm 75% Cyclops 70% Wolverine 70% Jean Grey 65% Emma Frost 65% Colossus 55% Nightcrawler 50% Iceman 40% Gambit 40% Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

Wooooohoooooo! I'm most like Hank! And noooo, I didn't do the test a zillion times to get him. Kinda surprised I'm a lot like Rogue too, but then maybe we're talking about the cool Claremont-Rogue, not the sobby whiney Lobdell Rogue. Although lately I've been the Lobdell Rogue, so I should mock too much. La la laa, Hank and I are alike. Loo de doo, and that's just so right. Heh heh. Thought woulda scored higher w/ Wolvie though. Odd that I'd score as high w/ Wolvie and Cyke. Not surprised that I'd score low w/ Gambit. I think the only thing that gave me high for him was the food question.

Quiz: How Evil Are You?

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Fu fu fu fu fu! Exxxxcellent. Have enough good to make the evil unexpected.

And spent the day talking for an hour to T, which almost made me late for the bank. Made it by 2 min. I went to bed late, well actually at the time that T woke up so he went out shopping while I was still snoozing. Ah well. Did get sushi. But no soy milk. >:( They must've run out. Was not in the mood to shop. Not at all. Was in a totally depressed mood So I spent 2 hrs vacuuming and cleaning my bathroom. And yes it made me feel better b/c I finally did something I'd been putting off and I have something to show for my efforts. Soap scum sucks. Vim is better than Fantastik. And now it's too late to take a bath. I prefer to bathe only when I know the bathtub is clean. Which means I mostly shower. B/c otherwise I'd be sitting in soap scum. And that would defeat the purpose. Or not. I bathe the Japanese way...relaxation. So I actually shower first, rinse the bathtub and then fill it up w/ warm water and veg. But I don't think I could relax knowing I was sitting in my filth. Hmmm, or I could sit in warm water first, loosen up all the dirt, and then shower....Hurm. That's a thought.

Quiz: What's Your Ideal Pet?

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody. And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!

What's Your Ideal Pet?

Ooooh, ouch! Too bad I'm allergic to cats. Not that I haven't wanted them or had plenty of chances to get one, especially since one of the supervisors wants to be related thru cat to everyone in the centre. Damn allergies. Both of us too.

Yeah fish!

Um, yes, I still don't really have a name for him. Well it's supposed to be Huntail, but he doesn't seem like a Huntail. Just sorta looks like one.... Well actually I guess not.

But the exciting new is....I'm teaching him to jump for his pellet. Yes, it's true. And he seems to enjoy it. Definitely swims to me more energetically when I pass by. I just hold it over him and go "jumpu, jump-pu" and then he'll wiggle his fins, stare at it really hard, and do a little leap out of the water. It's really only about 1-2 cm out but it's still cool. And you have to tell him to jump or he'll just look at you blankly and then at the pellet and back and forth.

T's fish died. Not sure from what, but as long as it wasn't constipation. I always comment about how much poo my fish has, how long the poo string is, and giggle hilariously when it's still hanging off him and hasn't broken off. D is really grossed out by the poo. Mind you, he also doesn't like whole fish b/c they're gross too w/ their attached heads. It's easy to gross him out when I'm gutting a fish. I call him a wuss that he doesn't want to know where his food comes from.

Quiz: How Obsessive Are You?

You Are 28% Obsessive

You tend to have a few obsessive thoughts, but you generally have them under control. Sometimes your worries keep you up at night, though they usually don't interfere with your life.

How Obsessive Are You?

Ha ha ha, that's so true. I don't know how many times I've been unable to go back to sleep b/c I have to think of all the sh!t I have take care of at work. So f*ckin' sucks.

Nothing spectacular happening...and that's the problem

Well, another day where my OM has to postpone the meeting w/ him so that we can go over my interview. It's been... about 3 weeks now? I'm just at the point where I really couldn't care. I'm just sick of the place. And I'm just doing my monitors and crap b/c I'm supposed to. Well I mean I'm supposed to all along, but it was previously so I'd get noticed and get promoted and crap. Well that sure as hell didn't happen. I carried my operations team for monitors and I get bumpkiss. I have some of the worst reps of any team in the centre(for the performance appraisal, I had more unsatisfactory contributors than anyone else), but I manage to drag above-average stats outta them. So what do I get after ...4 months of stress, breakdowns, and ungodly work hours? Well 2 of my fellow Lead Reps, the ones who weren't considered 1st choices for TLs, get permanent acting TL positions. I so far have not been talked to by either the supervisor who's in charge of our group, or any other OM. Hell, I haven't even got my performance appraisal. So I'm like whatever, I'll make sure my good reps get the good treatment and taken care of, I'll gleefully write the Employment Reviews for the crappy reps, and who gives a crap about retention b/c they sure as hell aren't doing anything for me.

Yeah, I was internally LMAO when our site director was talking about retaining agents and that the most important thing is the relationship btwn the supervisor and agent. And that people leave b/c of the breakdown of that relationship. Geez, and how would you categorize our relationship? I'll tell you what it is, it's just money and benefits, and a tenous one at that. Sure I get a nice feeling when my reps tell me I'm doing a good job, and a fair bit of them were pulling for me to make TL. And since I was a teacher's pet all the way up to...well university ( Didn't have a relationship w/ my profs b/c I was a drone until my 3rd and 4th yr when classes got smaller), I'm one of those people who like to get praised that they're doing a good job. And occassionally my OM will say I'm doing good, well at least good enough that he doesn't have to look over my shoulder constantly. But any dog's not going to bother running over when the bell rings, especially when there's a smidge of rewards, and they have to be fought over.

I suppose underlying all of this is the fact that I don't know if next week I'm going to be back on the phones or what. I heard that the 2 trainers that got hired are going to become TLs this Sunday. So where does that leave me? I really don't think we have enough people hitting the floor that they'd just create 2 new teams for them. They might, but it'd be somewhat unlikely. Really job insecurity is very frustrating to say the least. It's like am I back on the phones or am I still managing a team?!

Which probably won't be helped by the fact that I politely argued w/ my rep for 3 hrs. She wanted to do things her way, and I said nope b/c the client wants it the other way. Logic on her does not work. I'm not kidding. I pointed out that she didn't do something that she's supposed to do w/ every call so she goes to me, and I quote "How can you say that I don't do that on every call?!" Uh, b/c you -don't- do it on every call. You missed it twice out of the 3 calls I monitored. I think at that point it pretty much broke down to where I just wanted to see what other dumb thing she'd say. And then afterwards I notated the crap outta her journal. 1700+ words. And today she talked to my OM, and my OM comes to me afterwards and goes," I just spent an hour w/ her and to talk to you about what she told me would take another hour so I'm just going to postpone it until next day." He didn't leave anything in her journal but there's probably something in mine. And if some SLR didn't let our supervisor know that we knew where to find them, we'd still have access to it. Oh, and that other dumb SLR who was caught editing his own journal. What an idiot.

And it doesn't help that for the last....oh I dunno month or so, I've been having a lot of pains in my abdomen region. At times I think it's PMS cramps (but so far, no evidence of it), and then it moves so that I feel like I'm going to throw up, and sometimes it's flu-like b/c I ache at the joints and have problems w/ my body temperature. I've walked around hunched over at work b/c it hurt so much, and my eyes aren't ready to tear up just b/c I'm so pissed off, depressed, and frustrated.

And I suppose the underlying thing is that I feel quite trapped in the job. I really detest job interviews...well unless I know I'm eminently overqualified for it I guess. And I really mean overqualified. I was qualified for the stupid TL thing, but didn't feel overqualified so at times I was just blurting out whatever sounded right. So there was no element of confidance there. And it's kinda like, what else do I do outside my job? Well aside from my ps2, collection of manga, comic books, dvds, there's not much else. I'm not improving any skills, and even my housework has fallen to the wayside. Sadly enough I've taken a fair bit of pride in how long and glossy my hair is even though I don't do much w/ it. And I shed like crazy. I really think I should be bald by now. Which I guess is another thing I can take pride in my hair. I may be able to form big hair balls w/ the hair I find every morning, but there's still plenty on my head!

Yeah, so to "cope" w/ this crappiness that is my life, I've taken to...having lots of sushi. I'm talking every day off, I'm heading to pick up 20+ pieces of sushi. It's getting kinda scary actually. Last day, I went there too late, and they were out, so I picked up a crab instead. The crab wasn't as good as what I've had in restaurants, but it's still crab. And cooked in the green onions and ginger style. Sooooo good just licking the sauce up.

*sigh* and there's a guy. Which I think I like. Well like -like-. But I turned him down earlier. We still flirt like mad, but it's more like practice for other potential mates. Which is all well and good, but still. I dunno. Still undecided. B/c if we go out and I turn him down again after a couple dates, it's gonna totally suck for him. And I actually care enough about his feelings to not want to hurt him. *sigh sigh* Yes double sigh.

Well I'm going to call my hubby T tomorrow and hopefully 1st wife isn't playing hooky so that we can go out. Actually after D and I live together for over a year, then we'd be common-law. Which would mean D would finally get his dream of being in a polygamous relationship, and I'd have 2 hubbies. And his 1st wife would be my best bud who is also best bud's w/ my 1st husb, and none of us will have ever actually met his 1st wife.

Quiz: What City Do You Belong In?

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

Lovely ol' place. Full of jolly blighters, wot? T'would be a real treat to go on the lolly and meet the odd chap or two for a pint.

Saw X-Men3

Yep, watched the midnight showing of X-Men 3, and while it may say Last Stand, there's definitely room for a sequel. However they'll probably need a few new characters, and definitely moving off the comic book history. FX were awesome and Kelsey Grammar was awesome as Beast. D made a lotta fun of me every time I squealed when he appeared, said "Oh my Stars and Garters" and fought. And yes people died. Storm actually got to do something. And deliver decent lines! Gotta watch it again, probably w/ JR who's seeing it...today, and then w/ some more friends. There was a section of Convergys employees there, and it was great fun. Stan Lee was in it of course. Awesome to see Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen acting together and opposite of each other. Logan was main focus of the movie again. Not that Hugh Jackman wasn't good, but again?! Geeez, shoulda been about the conflict w/in Beast. I think they really shortshrifted him, and no it's really not the fangirl talking.

But I really needed the movie. Another sh!tty day, thanks to my OM doing a 180 on what he told me earlier which made me look like an @ss to my agent. I was so furious after I told him what happened to my coaching session that I went back to my desk, bit my knuckles, cried a bit, grabbed my eyedrops and went to the washroom and was kinda okay. And then went back to desk, aimed a bunch of it to JR, and then my OM came to talk to me, and that's where I went "I'm so frustrated b/c of what you did," and started bawling again. And he has the nerve to tell me that I should be so morally upset that I had to tell a "white lie" to my rep b/c he wanted to be the one to talk to her about a crappy call, but b/c he mentioned it and was unable to play it to the rep, the rep asked me about it. And then he tries to explain his 180 to me, and it's like "so b/c you didn't think this thru, you tell me to say something to my rep which you contradict". I was soooo pissed. Anyways, he goes to me "take off at 10:00" which is really only 30 min before my scheduled end time anyways. Yeah, whoop dee doo. And he asked me how I thought I did on my interview out of 10, so I go 5. And then he asks me how much effort do I think I put into this job, and I go 10. And he's like well actually I'd say 9 b/c 10 is pretty high. So I go to him "have you checked my door swipes?" and he says "No, should I?" in that way of 'have you been taking off in the middle of the day and that's why you're always here so freaking late?'. So I tell him, "well if you did, then you'd have to give me a week off. Paid." He was a bit quiet after that. And the kicker is, the centre is behind on monitors for the month, however I've already hit my target and gone over by 10 (which incidentally was what he was threatening in the TL meeting to increase the target to just so that we'll meet the centre target). So not only have I met my target, but I have also met the proposed future target. AND I DON'T GET THE F*CKING JOB?!?!?! I've been doing the same crap as the other TLs w/ the exception making some payroll adjustments (which really take about 10 min), have stats that are in the upper middle of the centre, and I'm NOT GOOD ENOUGH?! JR vented to me about this b*llshit earlier b/c all the SLRs got shafted, and seriously, they have to get their heads outta their @sses. The trainers got appreciation day, where the hell is ours?!

Anyways, I'll have to be more civil when I go for my appt w/ my OM where he goes over my interview. But if he's so worried about retention, maybe he should start retaining the people who deserve it.

Quiz: What Gemstone Are You?

Your Gemstone is Topaz

Comforting, considerate, and stable. You are down to earth and grounded.

What Gemstone Are You?

Hmmm, topaz. Well, let's see about topazes. From The Mineral Gallery "

• Chemistry: Al 2 SiO 4 (F, OH) 3, Aluminum silicate fluoride hydroxide.
• Class: Silicates
• Subclass: Nesosilicates
• Uses: gemstones and optical properties are useful in industry.

...Topaz is the hardest silicate mineral and one of the hardest minerals in nature....Topaz crystals can reach incredible size of several houndred pounds. Topaz can make very attractive mineral specimens due to their high luster, nice colors and well formed and multifaceted crystals."

Well that was informative. Unfortunately I wasn't born in November, but I'm useful, can get really big, and can cleave easily if hit in the right spot, but am hard the rest of the time. Huhn, well I guess that's actually a pretty accurate assessment.

If only we all walked out...

Well found out who got the TL positions. And it was none of the SLRs. At least not from the looks of it. Actually probably not at all. It went to the 2 trainers that applied and a RH. So out of the 5 positions offered, 3 are filled, and possibly the other 2 are filled by external hires. That is just a knee btwn the legs, kicking sand in the face while since you're on the ground, and then taking a dump on you. Yup, it's going to be pretty nasty back where a lot of us sit. And a lot of us were talking about looking for another job if we didn't get a good reason for not getting it, or namely if people got it that we don't think deserved it. Nothing against the RH, but WTF?!

At least there were a fair bit of people on my team that thought that I should get the job b/c they thought I was a really good TL. And you know what, I may not be the best at interviews, and I don't play office politics well b/c all I see is a lotta bullsh!t, but stats-wise and the fact that I've consistently been near the top of the production team in monitors and quality should mean a lot more than how smooth I am. Pffffttt, whatever. Of course, I'm sure they'll monitor how well I take the rejection and if I just slack off or just keep working steady as usual. Although I really think we should all take off for a couple hours at the same time and see how they like it for dissing us like this. Bloody wankers!

Heh, I was just thinking that I should fill out one of those sheets for leave of absences that I usually end up doing for schedule accomodation for the reps. Hmmm, Quality, well let's see I haven't been on the phones for about 3 months, but considering my target for monitors is 100 and I always go over that by about 10 whereas other TLs struggle just to get 90. Oh, and attendance, well if you consider all the unpaid OT I've done, I think I have 120% attendance. So yeah, FU I want a break from this crap. And to look for something better.

And in a way I'm angry, but I'm also sorta resigned to the fact that I will inevitably get screwed b/c I don't play their game. So I think it's time to get back to school, or at least do something I want to do instead of slave away at this dead-end place. It pays the bills, but doesn't anything else for me.

Descent into Hell

Had the TL interview and it was as horrible as I thought. However I wasn't the first one to do it. However I was forced to work 11 hrs. They told me the interview was on my "personal time". F*cking wankers. I'm so tired. Going to sleep now.

Guinea Pig

Well, yesterday of the 3 people I asked, I was the only one that got the interview letter. The others didn't letters which either means that they're doing the interviews in 2+ waves or they're printing the PFO letters later. And they have a new format for the interview, it's about 3 hours w/ 3 parts, done by all the OMs + site director and Quality head. Basically it's modelled after the TL Review/Assessment that the current TLs had to go thru. And since I have mine tomorrow in the morning...I must be the guinea pig. (only gave me really 1 day to prepare b/c I can't really prepare at work when I'm working now, can I?) I'm so looking forward to it, not! Actually I'm getting nauseous just writing about it. I'm not good w/ interviews in the first place and having no real clue on what kind of torture they may put me thru. Or right, shouldn't think of it as torture, just merely a way to get to know me better session. But what if I don't want them to know me?!?!

And of course if I turn it down, then all the other people who got PFO letter would be upset at me. Which is up to them of course, I can't control their feelings, and all that like JR told me, but still. I showed the letter to those who didn't get one, and one of them upon seeing the format, went "Gawd, I'm glad I didn't get it then. Holy cr@p!" Anyways, as for preparation... considering just thinking about it makes me wanna puke... I think I'll wing it for answers, but have a format on how to answer. That may be the best and only way to do it b/c otherwise I'll have written out scenario after scenario, and might as well have a book. Unlike D, I don't rehearse potential conversations.

Read Ranma Vol 34 last night, and it was Ranma's mother finding out. And it did give me strength b/c Ranma worried and worried, and his mom just accepted it. Of course she was so happy to see him that she didn't care, but it's sorta the "not all things are going to be worst case scenario". Although I think I will ask if I get a washroom break btwn the interview parts. So my worst case scenario? I think aside from throwing up, stuttering, talking so fast I don't even know what I'm saying, sweating so much I'm drenched, drawing complete blanks and having to make something b/c even though they say "take your time" we all know they're not going to sit there for 5 min while you try to think of something.

Uhhhnnn, not feeling well. And I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tks in when I get there b/c the interview starts at 11:30 and my shift starts at 2:00-10:30 and I really don't want to be there for 11 hrs. *hurk* This royally sucks. Maybe if I slip in the tub, I don't have to do it and they'll just give it to me.

So embarrasing, but I suppose I should note it....

It was on Monday that I'd requested immediate vacation days from my OM and when he asked why, I got all upset crying and said I was super-stressed out. Why? Trying to do too much at the same time? Spending 9+ hr days at work? Trying to be friendly and happy to my agents when I want to strangle half of them and shake sense into the rest? Who knows. But it was so embarrasing, and the problem is that once I start, I can't stop, especially if I think about it again. So I actually ended up crying about 3 more times afterwards. Once in the bathroom, and then twice again when I was in the private room w/ JR. The only way I could compose myself was to think/talk about anything else. So I thought up names for my future cows in Harvest Moon. Wiped my eyes so many times that my eyelids were raw, and I had to splash water on my eyes the next morning when I was washing my face instead of using my face cloth. And then my tea tree oil moisturizer burnt, so I had to pull out the night cream. It was very rough. I'm okay now, although on Wednesday, when someone said that I didn't look well and I should go home, I got all upset again. It's just *shudder* bad. Like I've said before, never was this wasted when I was on the phones. Although when I was SLR...maybe I should get outta this place. But it's sorta, will any other place be different?

Relaxing but productive weekend

So after the week from heck, I have the weekend off. Spent it getting a VM really late so I missed going to the graveyard for Mother's day. Did an AIDS mouth swab test for life insurance. Crossed the river valley on my own, and spent about 4 hours on Whyte Ave, going up and down to the different optomertrists shops looking for sunglasses. Found a pair of Raybans that came closest to fitting and looking decent but it was $124. Gawd, so sucks having a huge wide head. Didn't buy them though. I'll just keep looking. Got my yaoi. Little Butterfly struck a chord. And forgot to get backing boards. Ate sushi, and was having a very pleasant time too, slowly drinking my tea, savouring each piece... until a quartet of ignorant airheads came in and sat next to me. Then the migraine came back. Read a manga in Chapters. Walked in the park and nearly walked off the path into the bushes b/c I was busy staring at the sky thru the branches of the trees. That was amazing fun to just walk down the path like that, and looking at the clouds and trees. Very peaceful and relaxing. Cooked. Spent about 2 hrs belting out tune on Karaoke Revolution. I think I'm getting better. Played Harvest Moon. Played Star Ocean. Slept.

Pointed out that D's alarm is waking me up even though he goes back to sleep afterwards. Emptied out my drawers and Rubbermaid and sorted comics. Badly regretted forgetting to pick up backing boards. I have over 2 yrs worth of Hellblazer I need to bag. Kowai! I seem to be missing several books also, including my X-Statix vs Avengers TPB. I think I lent it, and several others to J. We used to share books, and he kept several titles and I had a bunch, so I dunno who's keeping She-Hulk b/c I have some of the latter issues. I'm starting to run out of room in my boxes. They used to be sorted btwn families, but now they're all jumbled together. Black Panther is not a limited series. I'm quite enjoying the KOF 2003 that Dr. Master is putting out. Ash was sorta a meh char when I played him on PS2, didn't have great moves, but he's a hoot in the comic. However the SNK vs. Capcom is totally p!ssing me off. Iori's getting his ass handed to him, even Orochi Iori gets captured and killed in one shot. WTF?! And I sooooo hate Bison. Stupid pillow thighs.

*sigh* I don't want to go to work tomorrow. They still haven't handed out the PFO/interview letters. And I still don't know if I wanna even bother trying for TL. I wrote a pretty intense email to my former TL, who's currently a pariah at the centre b/c of office politics, and b/c he and his wife just had a baby, he hasn't replied yet. I dunno what to do. I think my head's still mussed up. And it doesn't help that one of my reps had a call that was recorded and the customer gave her cr@ppy mark. But listening to the call, the customer was a total b!tch. She messed herself up and then accuses us of screwing her. She didn't have a single clue of what she was saying, just complained about the bill. My agent tried to help her, but knew that the customer was an idiot, and you know how it's just too tempting to talk at people who are morons and talking outta their asses? Well that's kinda what happened. So my OM asked me to listen to the call and rate it, and so I said that yeah, the agent was argumentative but did try to help the customer but the customer wouldn't listen, so there's not much more the agent coulda done. Two egos clashing. OM didn't think the same way, and started quizzing me on the elements of call quality. Well I don't believe in double-deducting for things, but he was saying the issue couldn't be resolved b/c the agent's fault, whereas my stance is that the agent attempted multiple times. Anyways, he ends up telling me that I can't tell her that he and the site director are going to pull the agent aside and talk to her about the call, and I have to back them on their decision. Such bogus. I really hate office politics. I wonder if that's half my stress. Oh screw half the stress, probably almost all my stress. You can't just do your job, gotta watch out for everyone's egos, and then when you try, then they say you're being a fool. Bleeaaaahhhhkkkkk!

Gotta get work outta mind so I can get to sleep. Hurm, I was strangely quite hungry this evening. Had big bowl of taro noodles w/ squid, carrots, celery, chives and it was tres tasty. But I was still hungry! So I cooked up a chicken thigh and it sorta filled me. And then about 3 hrs later b/c D was cooking pizza, I had 1/4 of a 12" pie. Like what the heck??! Anyways.... From Far Away is an excellent manga. Orphen isn't bad. I'm hesitant to read Yami no Matsuei b/c I think Vol 11 is the last one. Sorta the if you don't say it, it ain't true syndrome. Reading H's Harry Potter. Oh, I'd cleaned the bathtub on Tuesday(had nasty bathtub ring and was seriously backing up) (b/c Monday was my really really bad day, and Tuesday was my day off) and since I went home early on Wednesday, I sat in the bath for about 1 1/2 hrs soaking and reading Potter. Although I wasn't feeling too well still b/c I was getting seasick. Shush, it's true, the waves kinda made me sick. Read a good chunk of it while I had Anime Hardcore Radio playing. Nice having the bathroom connect to your room, though I wish I had a fan in the bathroom sometimes....it's for when I use the Liquid Plumber!

Quiz: What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Your Ideal Relationship is Friends Only

Honestly, you're not really ready for a relationship right now. And you prefer to keep things platonic, for now. That's not to say that one of your friends could be dating material. You're just taking a break for now.

What's Your Ideal Relations

Yeah, that sounds about right. Lord knows, I've had plenty of offers. And just b/c my break has been...a long time, is fine w/ me.

Another round of the ass-kissing

*groan* They opened up 5 postings for TL and I applied, ever so dutifully. Do I really want it? Errr, sorta maybe, but I don't wanna work in a call centre forever. There's that stigma associated w/ it for one thing. And although I'm getting better at not bringing my crap home (by reading loads of manga/comics, playing on PS2, and thinking of their plots when I'm trying to get to sleep instead of what sh@t I have to do the next day), I still end up staying at work for more than my shift to do crap. Want the money, but don't want the responsibility I guess. Or should I say don't want to feel like I've cleaned out the Valkyries' stables only to be told to clean out Zeus' stables and afterwards clean up after Dionysius' orgies. It's caused me unbelievable amts of stress that I've broken down in front of my MO, and probably should've gone home but I had crap to do, so I just took a half hour break and went back to work.

Finished writing an email to one of my TLs that's away on leave, and basically just recalling all the stuff I have to go thru at work, sent me into tears. Even commenting on it now... has me weeping. It's just...I'm so f*cking stressed. I don't know if it's the time of the month, b/c H also had hers recently, and w/ my non-regular non-cycle it could really happen almost any time after 30 days. Ugh, was looking in my blog/memory device and it's been just over a month that I wrote I'd bawled in front of my MO. And here I go again. I'm not quite at the point where I'm leaving dents in my knuckles from jamming it in my mouth to keep from screaming and crying (yes, I did that at work and the pain helped) but I'm getting close. All's I know is that I never had to do this when I was on the phones.

*heavy breath* Anyways, just wanted to make a note to help me w/ my memory. This is what my life is like right now, and I don't know how to make it better. I know it's not the sh@ts and all that bollocks about others being worse off, and I should focus on all the good stuff that I've got for me....but it's just this tiny gap in a smothering fog of despair. (I won't say light and dark b/c it's so cliche and really why is dark so bad? I know the fairy tale about fire and dangerous night for the Cro-Magnon) Going to bed. They're going to announce who gets the PFO letter and who has to get their clothes to the drycleaners...today.

Why I have a Blog Redux

Again, I forgot my nephew's name. I just remember that I didn't like it particularly b/c it was common, and not at all interesting. And since all the neices' names ended in -a I thought his did as well. (but of course that's a way of feminizing masculine names, but you never know. There might be an European male name that ends in -a) But it doesn't. And it's Justin. I dunno why Justin. I forgot to ask my brother. What would I name my son (if I ever have one)? Hmmmm, well if I tried not to be Japanese... probably Logan. That's a nice name. And yes, that'd be b/c it's Wolvie's name. But it's a nice strong name, and not verily common. Or Henry after my fav bouncing blue Beast. Uh yeah, I'd be naming my kids after fictional characters, which is a long tradition.

Quiz: What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Um, I guess? A lot of people tell me I'm funny or silly. And yes I do like Pokemon... and pro-wrestling... and Frasier. I've been told I'm bubbly by my Team Leader. I dunno. I don't try to seduce anyone, probably b/c I really don't care about sex and I'm not someone that needs to be cuddled. I'm not a physical person. Not usually anyways. When I was bawling my head off, I did need a hug though.

Quiz: What Is Your Life Path Number?

Your Life Path Number is 11

Your purpose in life is to inspire others Your amazing energy draws people to you, and you give them great insight in return. You hold a great amount of power over others, without even trying. You have the makings of an inventor, artist, religious leader, or prophet. In love, you are sensitive and passionate. You connect with your partner on a very deep level. You have great abilities, but you are often way too critical of yourself. You don't fit in - and instead of celebrating your differences, you dwell on them. You have high expectations of yourself. But sometimes you set them too high and don't achieve anything.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Huhn. And I'm a Team Leader. Well I did tell this one rep, who was held back in Nesting (basically it's babysitting the reps, they get 5x the support to prep them for having to wait for help) and I'd had a 1 1/2 hr discussion about empathy, that I had to check if I'd coached him about having poor empathy before b/c his empathy statements are so good now. And I really did mean it b/c I did look in his journal. So I guess I've inspired some people. Just don't know how long his high will last since he's gotta pretty crappy self-esteem and gets frustrated easily. And he got a lousy monitor by Quality.

I hate my neighbours

just a really good line.

I was re-reading my blog post, and this huge thump came from my neighbours. So I say (yes I talk to myself. Well actually not to myself, I'm really talking to my lovelies in my room. Yeah, and I understand they have tags on them. And are filled w/ polyester or other stuffing material. What's your point?), "If you're going to have a fight, you should take it out the window." We're on the 17th floor. Tee hee. That was my good line. If you missed it. Bastards.... Sometimes I feel like Salty Taro.

I really hate whiny insecure people

Get home, it's been a real sh!t-@ss week where I broke down in front of my OM and started bawling b/c I was so stressed out, and what do I get to find in my email? A little note from my "friend" J who's been working 80 hrs weeks saying that
"Its finally
> starting to sink in
> that now [he's] just a causal friend/assocciate"
And why pray tell, would he think that? I'm working 50 hrs weeks and completely different schedules that it's nigh-impossible to coordinate, but I still call him to see if he's avail to go to do our usual comic shopping trip. But lo 'n' behold he's too busy, so I cannot live w/o my fix, instead go by myself. And spend $100s of dollars (yes, those are the major purchases on my credit card). And last week he actually had time to go, but since I already went to our usual hangout on Wednesday, I insisted that we go to another store so that I could find anything I might be missing. And I found a KOF wallscroll. Too bad it had a rip in it (typical from that store) but still cute. And it was his mom's b-day that day too, and I've been invited to family celebrations for oh... last 3-4 years? But did he invite me? Hell no. Instead of having turkey dinner, I had to settle for store-bought sushi. Which was okay (I don't think they make much nigiri anymore b/c it's more perishable), but his parents' cooking is lovely. Do I say to him, WTF? Nope, and then what do I find in my email a few days later? That f^cking email. Well f-u!

All day I have to babysit a bunch of people who either have zero self-esteem or are trying to pull a fast one on me. I was told by my OM to be more friendly w/ my staff and say hi to them more often. This to a person who routinely walks past her friends, and is constantly teased that I'm ignoring them. To me, the 3 minutes I have to spend on each of them (3*15) is time that I could spend on doing paperwork that their laziness, ineptitude and/or cheating causes. So guess what? I don't feel like coming home, and getting this bloody note from another whiner. Who has self-esteem issues. I do enough false platitudes and positive reinforcement at work, I don't need to do it at home. If he thinks I'm that shallow, well he can live in his little world of self-wallowing despair. I don't need that sh!t. Just really p!sses me off.

*pant pant*

I'm not sure if I'm finished my rant. But yeah I'm pissed. *breathe* Okay, I looked to see if there were further emails from him, and there were. I'd left him a VM inviting him to the wrestlemania shindig that I'm throwing at my apt. And he's accepted. Which means he can meet my work friends, one of whom is actively chasing me, has given me backrubs, taken me to movies, gotten me drunk but remained gentlemanly, who I shuffled to after my bawling at work, who gave me a small floral arrangment (live orchids...well as live as they can be when they're stuck in florist sponge) b/c I was so stressed. And the other who gave me a teddy bear for my b-day. (I'd asked for cute and fuzzy and I was referring to YuGiOh cards) ROFL. This is going to be so f^cking hilarious. Too bad D will be at work and can't watch the fireworks. D loves that kind of stuff. Maybe he should call sick.

Well I guess we can go back to analyzing that first email. Let's see, when we figured out that we would hang out on Sunday, that was b/c he'd called me on my cell, and at that time I was eating KFC w/ 3 other guys (D, TT, W) just before we were going karaoke. So of course he can hear the guys, and he goes "what are you doing?" Reflex response to him is to deny everything. B/c he has 0 self-esteem. But it was sorta "uh not much, just going out w/ some friends." And when we met up the next day, he didn't even ask about my night b/c he "guess [he] felt little akward." Which btw was pretty darn fun once I loosened up and my voice loosened up so I could get close to my normal range. Otherwise I sing sharp and high. (wait, did I write about this before? Oh sh!t, I did. *re-reading* Oooo, I guess I am pretty shallow. Wow, nothing like being high-n-mighty and eating crow in the same post) Where did eating crow come from anyways?!

You know what, I'm just going to delete that reply to his email. Bad idea. Yup. I'll just reply to his other email where he accepted the invitation and was much more pleasant.

Rationally Yes...Emotionally No

*sigh* so a weekend that I didn't hang out w/ JR. Yes it's true, after about 4 or so weeks running, we didn't hang out together. We were going to though. Another stressful week for me, full of staying at work late, dragged out only by wrestling and friends waiting for me. So JR was going to help me de-stress, like he has the past few weeks by taking me out to a movie or drinking. I swear this position is going to make me an alcoholic. Came home one night, and I told D, with all seriousness "I feel like having a beer." And I hate beer. Really hate it. Tastes like crap. But my mind was still filled w/ work-sh!t just spinning around, driving me crazy b/c it's going to be something I'll have to deal w/ next day which will inevitably be added onto by more cr@p that the team will come up w/.

Oh and hoh hoh hoh, there was a TL position that they posted. But only for 1. And a bunch of people put in applications. But I was talking w/ my TL, and he said that all the TLs in the Nesting teams (sorta the halfway house to being on the floor) want out b/c they hate it. You have to coddle the agents, monitor twice as much as regular TLs, constantly have team meetings, and it's insanely difficult for paperwork. So any TL position that opens up will inevitably be for the Nesting position. And seriously, if they say they're going to put me there, I'd rather be on the phones. Get paid about $13 for it anyways. Speaking of my TL, he got in trouble b/c he took an escalation from a RH that another TL was listening to so she could monitor the RH. But instead of taking off the headset when he came on, she continued to listen and didn't like how he handled it. And instead of talking to him about it, she sent an email to her OM and his OM. So he gets put on a disciplinary action that's 1 step away from employment review. Is it any wonder that so many TLs and people have quit?

Anyways, trying to get away from work here, good ol' JR. So on Sat, we were discussing what to do, and I AIMed him that I wanted to get the Karaoke Revolution game, and play it b/c singing makes me feel better. Then I got a call from TT who wanted to know if I wanted to karaoke. So I went karaoke last night, was pretty fun. I think I sing better w/ a partner. And I don't care who. When it's just me, I feel really self-conscious and my voice tightens up. I'm one of those ones who want to sound good, so I stick to the lyrics and don't improv stuff during the instrumental parts. I love singing "Time after Time" by Cyndi Lauper. I tried out "Waterfalls" by TLC but I only really remember the chorus. And then there was a like a rapping part (I guess it was supposed to be rap cause I don't remember it from the song) and it was pretty fast, so I just started saying whatever appeared on the screen as fast as I could read it. But I didn't really read, I just said it, and a couple times I was too fast. Guess it helps to be able to read romanization. D picked "Phantom of the Opera" to sing w/ me, and when I sang the first part, I was too high so I was getting really offkey, so I dropped it an octave in the second part. Yeah, I'm more a mezzo-soprano.

Anyways, when I was out w/ the guys, J called me, and the first thing he asked after how I was, was of course what I was doing. So it's like "not much...going out w/ my friends." Anyways we met today (or I suppose yesterday) and he didn't ask what I did. But it turned out to be his mum's b-day and he was going to have dinner w/ them. And in the past, I was always welcome, and he didn't say if I was invited or not, and I didn't ask, but I did't have turkey dinner. Well whatever really. We didn't do much except go shopping. Course he didn't say if he any plans either. We just talked about our crappy jobs, how many comics we were missing, that kinda stuff. And ya know, it's all fine for me. There's the small twinge of "oh I'm not getting free food anymore" but other than that, I don't miss him that much.

Later JR gave me a call to see if I wanted a drive home from work since he was in the neighbourhood (yeah it's a 10 min walk, but he does that anyways) but I woulda been off work by the time he called anyways. And if I was supposed to work today/yesterday, oh well. And he said he missed me even though we'll see each other tomorrow/today, and we'd seen each other on Friday. And while the sentiment is appreciated, it's really not returned. I suppose it could be b/c I've lost my mom when I was younger, so I'm not sensitive to missing people. But while I do like JR, and when I think about it, he's not a bad dude, nice voice, kinda cute, major flirt, wicked sense of humour, and I could see holding hands w/ him. But emotionally, it's like "eh" makes no difference to me. Maybe b/c I don't have that emotional void to fill or something. I dunno. I bawl like a baby whenever I see the characters losing their family (mothers are the worst for me) and I cried for hours w/ Eddie's death. But there are few people I could say that I miss when I don't see/talk to them. Sorta that outta sight, outta mind thing.

Quiz: The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 1.86

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

Um... uh... Oh boy. Mind you I had to wing some of the answers b/c...I'm not that experienced. But oy vey, I think I take too many quizzes. Really the whole sexuality thing is too complex to be covered in a 5 min quiz, cause I don't think I really fit into anything.

Followup to Quiz

Heh, I was looking thru all the results, and I realized I actually got pain, not fear. Wow, even now I subconsciously avoid writing about what could be bothering me b/c I want to avoid it. But I think Fear would be close to my results too. W/ a small dose of Purity. Interesting that most people got Pain. Maybe b/c they're taking quizzes to escape from something? (well aside from work) (or it could be the source of their pain)

Quiz: What lies behind your eyes?

Pain lies behind your eyes. You may seem normal on

the outside, but on the inside there is

something destroying you. You don't talk

about it because you hope it will go away.

But no matter how hard you try, you can't

hide from it. Maybe if you try talking to

someone, you may be relieved...


What lies behind your eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla

This was a really good quiz. Really made you think. It seems pretty accurate. When my TL told me that something must be bothering me b/c I wasn't my usual bubbly self, I went "I'm bubbly?!" And I guess I am, or at least I seem pretty nice. It seems the older I get, the less able I am to handle fear. Nearly scared myself peeless when I was reading The Ring manga. I'm not kidding. Was reading it at night, and then there were parts where I nearly dropped the book, and at the end, I was holding it as far as possible when reading the last couple of pages. Then afterwards I wanted it out my room, but I was too scared to open the door. So I put it facedown by my door, and didn't go back to bed. Stayed up until it was light, and hightailed it back to the bookshelf and shoved it in the back, and finally went to bed. Even typing this brings back memories of some of the panels, and freaks me out. Gotta read some yaoi to get it out. Well after I finish my damn cover letter/expression of interest.

Justifying my position

I'll say this off the bat, I really shouldn't be posting since I'm supposed to be writing a letter of interest for the Team Leader position, but I'd actually forgotten when I'd taken over my current team, so really I came to Blogger for purely research purposes. And then I realized that if I don't blog this down, I'll forget when I'd did things. Yup, it's true. Zero memory is me. So I'd taken over this current team on Feb 19, Mary's team the week before. And tomorrow I have to submit my resume and a coverletter/letter of interest. But there's no open positions. Well except for mine I guess since I'm the only SLR who hasn't had their team dissolve or isn't replacing someone on vacation.... Bastards! Yeah, it's phrased as a kind of poll for how many people are interested. I'm not sure if they're thinking of making more teams or what. But it's horribly difficult to write about yourself. W/o feeling like adding some swear words or massive bravado about how you're getting screwed over if you don't get the position. Considering my team is all a bunch a newbies, and they're at 2nd place for quality in the centre now. But anyways, I need to get this done. Maybe I'll think some crap up while I'm taking a shower. And no waterproof paper in sight either!