Empty Promises Pt. 2

Well I got to see my OM the other day, finally. And she goes "well we're not sending you b/c the people who thought they were coming back early decided not to". So I go, "well what about the girl who came back early b/c of a family emergency?" "Well, she decided to go back." And I'm thinking, ...Gee I guess the family death wasn't that big of a deal. So I just say, "oh okay, well at least we got HRD working." So I head off to find a desk and then my Team Leader says he needs to talk to me. So I head over, and he says "Let's go somewhere private." --cue ominous music-- So he says that he needs to give me feedback that my recent vocalizations of how I felt I was getting punished for my HRD not working wasn't professional. And I didn't deny I said it. I said that to the OM when I first found out that HRD needed a 2nd trouble ticket filed (which would be approx Apr 4 from my Blog posts) and then she told me they found another person who had a working HRD so they're not sending me. So I say to her "Well I feel like I'm being punished for something that's not my fault." To which she replied, "Well I'm sorry that you feel that way." And then I asked her what would happen if HRD went down and she said she hoped it wouldn't happen.

So the amusing part about this is when I said "I feel..." is the actual phrase that you're supposed to use in arguments based relationship counsellors research. Not "You did..." which is accusatory, but you're supposed to say how a person's actions impacted you. Considering I could've said a lot worse things and every one of them would have been absolutely true... getting feedback on something like that really pushed me over the edge. I was just like ...Holy f*ck you guys are such a bunch of @ssholes. Considering all the hell that I went thru, not just the 3hrs I spent at work on my day off, but all the stress and confusion over wondering if I'm going or not and trying to think of what I need to bring, trying to refresh myself on the GSM material, getting so stressed that I need to spend 3 hrs on the PS2 just so I'd be tired enough to pass out and not stay awake all night thinking of work. But I'd end up walking in the middle of the morning (I go to work at 2:30p so I sleep until 1:30p :P) and start thinking of work. Trying to conserve my usage of clothes(we need to dress business -casual, which meant that in the time between when I found out I got SLR position and when I was officially SLR, I spent my days off shopping), and get my affairs in order in case I'm not in the city, and I found out one of my favourite TLs is quitting ... I basically lost it. Nope, I didn't punch out my TL. I did what women do when they're super-stressed...I started crying.

Let me just say that I'm not a crier. I start getting weepy when I see death on film(I have issues with my mother's death), but other than that, nope. Last times I've cried it was b/c my dad threatened to throw me out of the house (but I wasn't crying in front of my dad, it was more when I started talking about it w/ J), and when I was going thru a dispute w/ WCB and the last place I worked. So for me to break down at work, really sucked. And since I was ashamed at myself for getting weepy, the more upset I became, which meant I got more stressed... Anyways, he didn't help things by saying that they give us assignments to see how well we handle them and also test us on how we react when we get rejected. So he kinda mumbled a couple of things(it doesn't help he has a speech impediment), and then said that he's picked me for this special project that helps the upper management, and is really important work so they only picked the best performers for it. Well it sorta helped, but I've seen what happens to some of the SLRs when they get assigned to special projects, they end up spending unpaid OT trying to finish it.

Anyways, the SLRs OM came in to confirm the booking of the room for the SLR meeting, and I didn't really look at him, cause my eyes were soooo red. So I basically booked it to the washroom, applied a bunch of cold towels to my face and eyes, blew my nose lots, and then ran down to Shoppers for some Visine. I made it for the meeting just in time, after applying about triple the recommended dose. And then afterwards b/c I had to see the SLR OM for my badge(I was several weeks late, but he had a pretty big stack left, so I didn't feel too bad), and he asked if I was ok b/c he saw that I was kinda upset in my meeting with the TL. Well, just thinking of the whole incident got me stressed out again, and my eyes started tearing up. So I just mumbled that it was about the trip. Well this OM was way better, he apologized for the confusion and the mixup, told me that the new project is another opportunity, and could be an even bigger opportunity since it has a bigger impact on the centre, acknowledged that it was a a disappointment not to put the trip on the resume, but they were looking for other things to offer me which is why they wanted me on the new project. So he really made feel a lot better, which is probably why he's one of the better OMs.

Anyways, for the rest of the day I didn't talk about it about anyone b/c when I tried talking to one of my friend's hubby (who's a cool guy and I knew him in HS but not well, and so we commiserate over missing his wife b/c she's on the trip), I got all upset again. But all night I had a headache and my eyes were aching.

So I went and got myself Soul Calibur 2, and spent the night playing on the PS2 until I couldn't keep my eyes open. Then I passed out in front of the tv. So now I'm trying to file my taxes, but I just needed to get everything out in the open.

Empty Promises

So this is just a quick one since I'm going to work in an hour, but speaking of work.... Yes, this is where the title of the post comes in I was one of the first ones offered to go to another city to help set up their project. But my HRdirect didn't work(thru no fault of my own), and that was the only way they could set up the expense accts, so they found someone else but PROMISED ME that when 2 of the people come back early, I'll be the first one to go, if my HRD worked. So then last week, someone had to come back unexpectedly, but my HRD still wasn't working, and on Friday they said, well we'll see on Monday if we can send you w/o having it work. Well Monday was my day off, but I went to work and spent about 3 hrs there and finally got it working. Then they go," well we need to see if the other centre is doing ok being shorthanded for trainers, I'll tell you tomorrow." Tuesday, same thing. Wednesday, couldn't find her. So it's Thursday, and there's no way in hell that they're going to be sending me this week b/c we come back to the city on the weekends. Not to mention that the OM was going, "well it might take a week before the expense acct is set up so you might have to keep your receipts for the week." So I basically go, "well why don't you set up the expense acct now and by the time you finally get around to sending me, it'll be working." And she goes "well...we'll look into it" as in f-you how dare you think instead of accepting what I say. Considering before, I asked if there was another way of setting up an expense acct w/o HRD and she said not anymore so I said well what if HRD goes down? and all she could say was I hope it doesn't happen. So for some reason my company loyalty is pretty low.

Anyways, I've bought a new TV since my old one is going crap. Well it was before b/c the sides of the screen curved in and there was a lot of ghosting. But I'm finding that I can't read some of the text when I'm playing my PS2, so it's time. The new one still hasn't come yet b/c it's being delivered. If the store delivered it, it'd be $45 shipping, but if I order it online it's free shipping. Sure the $45 would get the guys to move it into position for me, but it's only 88 lbs. Considering my brother and I moved the 32" widescreen TV, there'll be no point paying someone else to move it.

i need more sleep!

Yes, it's daylight savings time again, when we lose an hour of snooze. Or party time, depending on your lifestyle. I want my snooze though, even though the time I go to sleep is when some people get up. But what really sucks is that I work today, so I can't even get a day to adjust. Argh!

Work is .... well, I'm kinda seeing how people fall behind what they're supposed to do and end up doing overtime. Sure it may not seem on paper that we have to do a lot, but when you can't tell people to shut up b/c you're busy, or just dump their evaluation on them, it kinda bites into your time. Like I told a rep that I had to go to lunch but because she was going to be home by the time I'm finished my floor supervisor duties, I was going to give her feedback right then. So something that could've gone 5 min, turned into 10 b/c she started telling me of her personal life. And the worst part was that if I wasn't in a rush, I'd liked to have talked more about it.

Hopefully I'll be able to go on a trip. It's work-related, but it does give me time to be away from some people, and it'll look good on my resume. Only thing that's a prob is the stupid profile in the company website isn't right, and they can't seem to figure out a way around it. Uh hello, what if the entire system crashed?! I guess I'll check on it now and see if it's been fixed.

Games games games

Drinking my milk. Trying to sing "Catch You Catch Me" from Cardcaptor Sakura which isn't hard except for a set of bars in the chorus. For those who don't know which one I'm talking about it, it's right after this line: "sou Nice to Meet You Good to See You kitto" Suddenly you have to cram 8 words into about 1 1/2 seconds. While I can't read actual katakana/kanji/hiragana (ie. any of the Japanese writing systems) except for a few characters, I can read the romanji fairly well, so that I can spot-read it decently. And for those who say, what's so hard about that? Try singing and reading the lyrics for a song in a different language like French/Spanish and pronounce all the words correctly, on time, in tune. It's way harder when you don't have a clue what you're singing. Mandarin is really hard b/c romanization can't reflect all the intonations. And you do have to learn the romanization system.

Anyways, another day off. My work schedule really sucks, I have the weekend off, work 1 day, have Tuesday off, then work 5 days straight and have next Monday off. So my PS2 is kinda warm now. Been playing Final Fantasy Tactics. My main char (default name Ramza) is lvl 41 now. And I'm still in Ch. 2. Can you say random battle maniac? I'm the same way for FFVIII, Squall is lvl 71 and I'm only on the 2nd disc. I don't think I've freed Balamb from Galbadia Garden yet. Course I'm trying to do Zell's Love Quest, but I think I might've missed a flag somewhere, the girl doesn't show up at the train station. I'm also playing Asterix & Obelix Kicks Buttix. It's quite fun, especially when you get to rescue all the cast, watching Dogmatix(he's sooo cute!) bite Roman butts, and unlock extra costumes for Asterix & Obelix. Bashing Romans is bit boring after a while, especially when they just keep spawning. It's gotten me into re-reading the Asterix books, and I think the game needs an FAQ on GameFaqs. Only prob is ever since I got the flu, I can't seem to be able to play very long w/o getting nauseous. Maybe hour tops. Before I'd play like 3-4 hrs before getting sick from all the camera angle changes.

So I really hate the whole regionalization of games. DVDs I'm not so worried about b/c I have a DVD-ROM and the software allows for different regions. But I can't play a Japanese game even if I get a Japanese console b/c of the difference in voltage, screen refresh rates etc. It's really annoying. And since I have the slim PS2, some of the mods might not work. Argh! And there's sooooo many awesome Japanese games, like Angelique, hoards of anime games etc. Angelique mainly. Who wouldn't want to hear Seki Toshihiko and Hiro Yuuki? Luva-sama. Mar-ce-ru. Luva-sama. Mar-ce-ru.

Litterbox change

So it's been a while since I've updated. Was it b/c there was a lot of stuff going on? Well, yeah but shouldn't that mean I would update more, b/c I wanted to capture those changes? Yeah, well while I'm singing "Heart and Soul" from Macross 7 (Haven't finished watching it, and I'll have to say, you'd better like the music or you'll hate it cause the same songs get repeated. Lots. Lots lots.)

I'm just chilling after cleaning my bathroom and vacuuming my section of the house. The other weekend my brother bitched about having to clean my bathroom b/c he invited his friends over to watch LOTR. First off, who said that they had to use my bathroom? Why couldn't they use his? There's 3 bathrooms in the house, I'd only punish people by making them use my dad's .It's filthy. I really don't think he's ever cleaned it since we moved in 1 1/2 years ago, and since he's old and can't see well, there've been misses. (I only go up there to see when my ride comes b/c that's the only place to see the street). Secondly, he didn't really ask me when they could come, and if they don't come in the weekend when I schedule to clean, too bad. I really hate when people use my bathroom b/c they always leave the toilet seat lid up when they flush. Since I use the blue toilet tabs, I know that toilet water sprays up b/c I see it on the toilet lid. So toilet water goes all over the bathroom, and since my extra toilet paper rolls are on the ledge above the toilet, can you say contamination?! Good thing I have a bathroom cabinet where I keep my toothbrush and cup. Despite what they showed on Mythbusters, I still think it makes a difference. Although that micobiologist should've gotten the sample from the room where the control toothbrush was, not bring it into the bathroom where she had the rest of the samples. Yes, I'm a bit nuts about the bathroom and stuff. I also like to buy toilet paper when it's on sale, and I price it out by the sheet. Well, it is the only way to really tell which is cheaper. Although Charmin is the nicest and I will spend to buy that brand. Even at 1-ply it's really absorbent and strong. And it's nice and soft too. I actually use my Charmin for blowing my nose, b/c it's cheaper than facial tissue. And yes, I priced that out by the sheet also. So I actually have 3 kinds of TP. Charmin which substitutes for facial tissue, regular cheap stuff for what it's actually made for, and then this really cheap rough stuff that my dad buys which is basically wiping off toothpaste foam.or little cleanups that don't need an entire sheet of paper towel. Paper products are excellent for stocking up on.

Am I really lazy?

So today's my day off and I was telling my friend about what I was going to do today -- sleep, play games, work on my model, do some laundry. My friend gives me this wierd look and goes, "that's it?" Well, yeah. So she kinda says "you're not going to hang out w/ your friends or chat online or something?" Well, let's see, the other friends I have work, I'm sick right now, I haven't chatted in a long time or even posted or read newsgroups in a while, my emailing habits are horrible. All day at work all I do is talk w/ strangers, co-workers and friends. I think I do enough 2-way communication. Course my friend can talk for hours, and she's a lot more extroverted than me.

I did manage to get some decent sleep. About 11 hrs worth. Mind you, I can't seem to sleep even 8 hrs straight. It was 4-2-2-3 hrs today. So I went to bed about 6 (I was reading Hikaru no Go), woke up around 10, turned over and slept another 2, got up and had breakfast, finished Hikaru, napped, played FF8, napped, got up for dinner. Yes it was CAT DAY. Considering most days I end up getting only about 6 hrs of sleep and the last few days b/c I'd been coughing and drowning in my mucus, I've had days where I've only had 4 hrs of sleep. I think I deserve to get to sleep in.

Hikaru no Go was excellent as usual. Obata-sensei is such an awesome artist. Sai is sooo hot, and Akira's adorable. I think the appeal is that Hikaru's trying to learn Go on his own, but also willing to exploit Sai's connection w/ him, which doesn't make him annoyingly goody. He's just a kid, and acts like one. Some stories have characters where you wonder why in the world they have any appeal (ex. Fushigi Yuugi's Miaka getting every one of the Suzaku Warriors to fall in love w/ her . Even Noriko!!!! Oh, she's a breath of fresh air, whoopee, so she's a nice girl and tries to do her best. Well then all the women in ancient China must be bitches then, cause Miaka is whiney, indecisive, mannerless, brainless, and very useless. Jeez. Yui was so much better), or are soooo good and perfect, you just want to kill them instead of emulate them. Which is an odd reaction I suppose. Aren't we supposed to strive to be better, and therefore learn from those who can do something better than us? Then why must we seek falliability or are jealous of others? I suppose it's that inborn instinct for dominance or survival. If all we do is support others, then our own genes don't survive as well. Of course there's also benefits to the followers by the extention of favouritism to the followers, which must imply some kind of competition either btwn the followers or btwn camps. Well it's been a while since Anthro, but that was fun. Never took Philosophy though, but I'm sure Socrates or the like have already thought about this.

Anyways, I think Rumiko Takashi-sensei creates the best female protagonists: Akane Tendo from Ranma 1/2, Kagome and Sango from Inu-Yasha. I haven't had chance to read a lot of her other stories, but they're not whiney. Sure they get frightened, scared, cling to the guy but they end up dealing with it and not complaining about it again. I wish I were more like them. I'm just such a coward sometimes.

Financial Investment!?!

Mood: Just woke up, and it's 7 pm. I was up earlier, but I went back to bed. It's my cat-day :P.
Music: Information High from Macross Plus. Yoko Kanno is truly a wonder.
What I'm should be doing but aren't b/c I'm blogging: Writing the label for my burned disc.

I must say, it seems the only time I actually post is to reveal the next disgusting/offensive/annoying thing the guy who's chasing me, let's just call him "J" said/did. So what was it this time?

Well we went out to dinner(for no reason that I could discern. My birthday was on the 22, and I'd gotten together w/ my friends including him and actually had 2 parties. One was the official and the other was for Royal Rumble which my brother paid for as b-day pres) and we got fortune cookies. Mine said "You believe in the goodness of mankind." And you know the little jokey thing you add at the end "-in bed"? Well it didn't really work for this one. And I don't really there's goodness in mankind. Potential for something, but not goodness necessarily. And considering I don't think it would be a bad idea if humanity was annihilated so we'd get our heads out of our asses, nah, I don't think it's very true.

Anyways, his was something like "a financial investment will result in great rewards." So I'm like "what investments? Stocks?" (I know he doesn't have oodles of money and almost living from paycheque to paycheque) And he goes "dinner?" .... Like what the f**k?!?! I know he can't be talking about anything else b/c he can't write anything off as business expense. So I give him a "what the f*ck are you talking about look?" and he tries to look all innocent. So I'm like " fine, I'll ignore that," and say "Bonds?" and then we started talking about bonds and how high his credit card limit is now.

So this is probably why I don't want to get into any romantic relationship with a guy, Talk about total creepazoid. Why do I still talk to him? Well, he drives me to/from work (he doesn't work with me) and when he's not acting like a total a**hole, he can be funny and we share a lot of interests.

Rape?!?!

So I'm reading Sequential Tart and I come along the article "Who Writes The Darkest Dark Knight Of Them All? " and then I read that Nightwing's been raped. First thing that goes thru my head is, I can't believe DC actually allowed something like that to happen to a major char!. Then it was ....well, who wouldn't want to do Nightwing he's so hot!. So I go to Google groups and do a quick little search, and it turns out some woman forced sex onto him. Of course it's still rape b/c it's non-consensual, but it sure wasn't my first thought of what happened to Nightwing. (yeah, male-on-male) Well, back to reading other stuff....

Speaking of male-on-male, I really wish some publishers would distribute their books better. And customs would quit playing morality police. I've waited for a couple months for my fav comic store to get Kizuna and the other Be Beautiful books. I've finally got Kizuna #2, but I still don't have 1 or any other titles thru them. And they've released #3 already. Kinda sucks. Though haven't had any probs so far w/ getting the Digital Manga titles. Yahhhh!!!

So you're misinformed....

So it was a day that just started off crappy. First I'm woken up by contractors doing god-knows-what to the house. Then when I'm in the middle of taking off my shirt, I hear this crash, and my drawers have fallen out of my dresser, so I have this big mess of hair stuff all over the floor. Then I'm doing my usual stuff at work, answering questions, taking escalations. And usually I'm like, argh can't you de-escalate it so I don't have to talk to them? but today I'm actually like, sure, whatever I'll talk to them and give them the same options. Then I get the escalation from hell.

Customer was very nice, polite but extremely upset and rightly so. She's talked to a whackload of reps and none of them seem to be able to get any info right or set up properly. Told she could have all these things on a 1 yr contract, heck no, isn't even given the right amt of min avail on her plan b/c people can' t be bothered to read. Even when I call into another dept to check if they could do something for her, they don't even know the proper amt of min until I tell them that the promo can't be stacked. Yeah, a lot of people will be getting feedback. But it just pisses me off so much that this many people can't do their job properly. While I may not jump at taking escalations, whenever I'm on a call, I always make sure everything's cool before promising something. But no, there's just so many reps out there who are such idiots that you just wanna strangle them. I was really tempted to actually ask her if she wanted to cancel b/c she shouldn't give business to a company that has so much incompetency. But I guess that wouldn't be a good idea. "Ma'am, do you really want to settle for this half-pulled together offer that others have set up for you?" Of course she was under contract, and I wouldn't have waived it so I guess it's good I didn't offer. But it was so nasty to be looking at the screwups, I just wanted to cry.

And you know what? The company is encouraging these mess ups w/ their stupid commissions, limits on how long you're supposed to handle a cust. It's absolutely ridiculous. The company just doesn't encourage reps to care about their jobs. There's always gonna be jerks who think it's fun to rip a customer off, or screw them up, but even for normal reps, there's just no incentive to make them wanna do their job properly. It's just a paycheque. And a crappy one at that. The only thing that keeps me doing my job properly is b/c I'm the kind of person that likes to get things right and know about everything. There's no program avail that recognizes me for the hard work I put into getting things right, and I'm even penalized b/c I take the extra time to make sure things are correct If it weren't for some awesome supervisors I've had, I'd be near the bottom b/c of my stats. But b/c my supervisors do see all the work I do, they give me extra marks on non-stat stuff. I think I need a vacation.

Well I was feeling okay...

So the other day, my workplace had a buffet for the employees. Since the only way I could have a decent time to eat it in time was before work, I went to work early. Regardless of how much I ate (only 2 plates FYI) I then worked 8 1/2 hrs after. So when the friend comes to pick me up, he goes and reaches for my stomach, I'm like "What the f-ck?" and try turning away but he still keeps reaching and manages to brush my stomach and goes "Aww, is it all full?" Now regardless of how much I ate at the buffet and even if I had a huge lunch also, I don't think I'd be that stuffed still even at the end of the day. Not to mention, get a f**king clue!!!!!!! If I'm trying to get away from you, maybe I don't want you touching me. What a f-cking as*! And he wonders why I'd never date him. I'm not a physical person, either when it comes to touching(w/o purpose) or to swinging blows, but obviously I'm going to have to starting breaking things next time he tries it.

Course I'm only particular when certain people touch me. Some of my other friends can give me all the hugs they want. :)

So it's x'mas time. There was a debate on some "news" TV show about how Christmas is becoming less Christian and being overrun w/ political correctness and other religious days. I'm not really sure how they can say America is God's country and still proclaim to be religiously tolerant. Personally it's time for gift-reciprocity. And mending bridges w/ gifts. Now, I have a sis-in-law who is still pi$$ed that we didn't visit her at the hospital when she had her baby. That was almost a year ago. Not that this started after the 3rd baby was born, but she's stepping up her campaign to make the older kids less wanting to visit us. Not to mention we haven't actually seen her face-to-face for about a year. Anyways, even before this whole incident, she was never my favourite person, but this year I got her $45 in gift certificates. Considering I'm giving my brother(not the one that's married to her) a $50 gift certificate, that's pretty flippin' generous.

What is Kwanzaa anyways? .... Oh, that's pretty neat. Of course it's really generalizing to says that African-Americans have a common set of values, though that common set of values may be more similar in America than say in Africa. I wonder if Africans have heard of Kwanzaa and what they think about it? Good ol' Internet, great for that quick musing question.

You are consumer, you must SHOP!!

So I'm done my xmas shopping except for the gift exchange that I've set up at work. Except, I'll look at something,. and go, hmmm, maybe they might want that. But I've already spent over $40 on pretty much everyone, which works out to about...over $300. And since I'm the kind of person who'll actually pick up xmas presents throughout the year, for some people I've actually bought twice for b/c I forgot I already got them something. Yes, it's sad.

Finally, Anime Lyrics is back up!!!!! Gosh, I really miss that site. Nothing worse than singing along, and not really sure if you're saying the words correctly or in the right order.

Just snipped my nails. I'm one of those who have fairly strong nails and can grow them to over a centimetre long. However, by that time, they're clicking on the keyboard and sliding all over the place. So I do snip them even though I like the look of long nails, especially my pinkies.

I'm considering getting another credit card. Just because I nearly went over the one I have. For a couple days I actually left it at home b/c I was so close to my limit. Darn those online sales. So yes, I have many xmas presents for myself.

Yes, I do buy presents for myself. At least I know I'll be getting something I want. :P

Ick!

Where the heck is Anime Lyrics? It's always 504 error. Argh, I love singing w/ the songs on Anime Hardcore. Like "OK" from Pokemon. Such a good dancing song too.

Anyways, what the f*** is with him? It's like he HAS TO HAVE A FU**ING HUG me every F**K**G time he drops me off at home. First time, it was when I was really in a bit of a mess, and needed a bit of morale support, so I wasn't really in the mindset to say No. But j*sus f***ing Xist , he won't even let me get to the door w/o a hug. I have to say," I gotta pee, I'm gonna sneeze" or he'll try to pull me back. F**king perv. I'm not a touchy-feely person, my family's not like that. His isn't much either I don't think. Sure, when I see his cuz, I'll give her a hug b/c I haven't seen her in ages. But that's completely different b/c she initiates it and I don't want to seem rude. But when I'm trying to go home, he'll grab my bag out of the trunk and won't let it loose until I "hug" him. It used to be where I'd actually give him a two arm hug, now it's just an arm across the back for about 1 sec. It's just getting so perverted how he's so needy. Doesn't help he's mentally unstable anyways, and personality wise is amiable/expressive. I'm analytical w/ equally low scores in driver/amiable/expressive.

But anyways, back to my point, I don't think anyone should force someone to show affection, it's completely pathetic. Course I'm probably pathetic for not resisting more, but I really don't think telling him outright will do anything. I've already told him twice that I don't want to go out w/ him, and he sobs about " why not? what' s wrong w/ me?" And since he's been suicidal and is currently on medication for manic-depressive, it's not like I can be really forthright. Let's see, "you chew w/ your mouth open and smack your lips, mental problems, needy, clingy, bitches about driving places but doesn't protest when we asked him before if he wanted to go there, act like you know about something and then have to admit that you have no clue what we're talking about, jealous of my other friends." I sure as hell don't need a head-case on my hands, or have to constantly worry about saying the wrong thing and him acting like the world just ended.

And again on another tangent! Oi yoi yoi. Anyways, there's only one person(that's not plush or fictional) that I really wanna get close to and she's already taken. Now that I think about it, I don't feel awkward at all when I think about hugging my female friends, but when it comes to hugging male friends, it's just wierd. Perhaps it's because hugging is higher level of intimacy that may mean something more to a guy than a girl? But even when I think about hugging my lez or bi friends, it's like I don't care. I do want to get close to them. I want to take them in my arms and smell their scent. Woah, ok , well, that's getting a bit open. Never thought of it that way. Um, I think I'll take my shower now.

Lemons into Lemonade

Listening: Anime Hardcore Mood: Content with full belly Feet: sore but rolling on my rolly ball

Well, at my workplace, we have a set weekend rotation where we work a weekend, then next one is off. So with that in mind, I booked off my vacation days to surround my weekend off. But b/c the team I was assigned to had the opposite rotation, they switched my schedule to theirs. Aside from that meaning I'd have to work 2 weekends in a roll, my vacation is also screwed up and I wouldn't be able to see my friends. So my supervisor, being a nice guy, decided to take it to the source, and now instead of having 5 days off, I have 7 days off. Sweet!!

My friend bid on a gift certificate to a hair salon and gave it to me for Xmas. Which is nice, but now I'm like, "I've grown my hair for so long, I don't wanna chop it off!" But just before I was complaining about how the weight of it was giving me headaches b/c I used to put it in a ponytail. I've changed how I do my hair for work, and w/ my new position, it's a bit easier to maintain it that way, but it's still a bit of a hassle. But I like to put my hair in braids! But it takes so long to dry! But it's so shiny and luxurious! And gets in my way for eating and looking at things! But I look more like a girl w/ long hair! Which has to be pulled back, how many times have I sneezed into it?! Ugh, ew that's a good point. But it feels so nice in my hands! That's all I can come up w/? The aethestics?! What about the practical? And it'll be easier if you wanna dye your hair! D-demo...demo...demo... I haven't found a style I like! Ai-yah! Just look thru the magazines or online! *grumble* fine, you win.

Slightly Diagonal

Well just listening to Anime Hardcore as usual. Must find some way to put permanent link to it on the sidebar. But that'll have to come after I reload Win 98 and get my emulators working. I really wish there're games that are multi-regional.

Anyways, got a sort of promotion. After applying for 3 different positions, got the one that had least upward movement, it's basically floor support and Tier 1 in escalations. We're sortof get more respect from management but the regular reps sometimes dislike us b/c they think they know everything better or they'd applied for the position but were denied. To the former, I say well then why raise your hand? Just today this woman said, "I could probably do your job b/c I'm Wave 13 but I don't want the hassle." If that's the case, why did you susp a customer for lost/stolen when the phone was actually broken? Completely using the wrong suspension code, bah, better my ass. As for the latter, not very professional to be a sore loser about it.

Anyways, I'm trying not to think about it, or I'll stay awake and my tummy'll hurt too. And I'm sneezing like crazy, had to take anti-histamine. Hopefully that'll knock me out.

Good books I'm reading: GTO, Ranma, Koko wa Greenwood, Vampire Game, Power
Yummy books I'm reading: Petshop of Horrors, Desire, Yami no Matsuei, Saiyuki
So many delicious guys... *droool* Though Ranma and Vampire Game have very snuggable guys. And Kikuchi from GTO is eminently dateable. And the boys from Power and main characters from Greenwood are really easy on the eyes. And there's only 1 reason to read Desire. *lecherous giggles* Yeah, that's right, it's just to learn drawing techniques.

The Terrorist that won the Nobel Peace Prize

Just listening to Anime Hardcore, finished watching the Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart and put in my DVD order for lots of Akira Kurosawa movies.

So news of the day, Yasser Arafat is dead. Some people are jubilant, some people are sad, and too many don't know enough about international politics to care. Myself, I'm a bit saddened, just b/c I know there was a lot that he wanted to do. Aside from seeing Palestine having territory. But this is a man that was, and some still think is, recognized a terrorist and then later went on to become a statesman and win the Nobel Peace Prize. Now, I know the Nobels get handed out every year, but this is still quite an achievement.

So what does this mean? Is terrorism a viable route to force an agenda? What is terrorism? What are the lines that separate it from other acts of disobedience? Who's correct? Where am I going with this?

The object of the act will see terrorism as a unnecessary malevolent act w/o purpose, whereas the subject will see terrorism as a justifiable self-defensive action against a greater force. A person that commits violent acts only to fulfill their personal pleasures and/or needs is not a terrorist, but a psychopath. But a person who commits criminal acts for the purpose of clearly defined goals and can say "once I have achieved my objective I will stop. I could see no other method to achieve my goals except thru actions which violate societal rules" is clearly different. The latter is someone who has considered his actions and possibly w/ the correct persuasion, will choose to change their actions. However both are labelled terrorists. Yasser Arafat was more of the latter. But for a lot of others who engage in "terrorist acts," but don't clearly fall into the former, many of their goals are ill-defined. To threaten b/c you feel threatened is to never stop being scared, and never stop hurting. It's better to face the fear and work w/ it, manipulate it so it works for you.

Oversimplification? Sure, but humans are still thinking w/ the same part of the brain that was developed tens of millions of years ago.

Incidently, this is the 2nd time I had to write this. The first one went with a err 500 when I tried to publish it.

Someone shoot the driver!

Yes, this is about the election. I'm somewhat less than thrilled that Dubya is elected again. But then again, I never did think much of the American public. And for any FBI, CIA, Intelligence, police, citizens who think they're "protecting their country", I am not advocating that the American president should meet with any kind of violence that would end his reign in office. This disavowal of any intentional harm also extends to the Republican party or anyone else connected to GOP. Thank you.

Now with that little disclaimer out of the way, I don't know how anyone with a modicum of intelligence would want to put an un-educated, inarticulate silver-spooner into any position of power. Oh, that's right, because he projects a folksy charm that seems to let him get away with it. "Hey, the president just said that there will be NO all-volunteer army!" "That's ok, it's just a mistake, everyone does that. He's just a regular ol' guy like the rest of us." If the rest of you happen to have millions of dollars at your disposal, and given everything. I'm sure his handlers have lots of fun thinking of everything for him to say. And if his inability to formulate a coherent thought is supposed to bring him closer to the American public,... well doesn't say much about the average American, does it? Found a little something, can't seem to get the scripting to work in the post, so a link to the site will have to do, you can find Cost of War on the right hand side.

Starting to become an expert at this...

No, not being a blogger. That won't be coming anytime soon, though my site is looking more like I would want it too.

I'm actually talking about elections. Just to state the facts, I'm Canadian, not American, even though I'm writing this on the eve of the American election. Or technically on the day of the election(not counting advance polls). In Canada in 2004, I've gotten the federal election, which voted in the Liberal minority govt and Paul Martin, a civic election, which voted in Stephen Mandel, a city councilor, and fairly soon a provincial election, which I hope will launch Ralph Klein out of the legislature finally.

However I'm talking about the American election. Sadly enough, the outcome of this election could determine whether I'll ever be able to visit my relatives ever again. There's Bush, a guy who throws his weight around the world, and then seems surprised that the world should have any authority in judging his actions. If you think that the rest of the world shouldn't have an opinion in your country's domestic matters, then maybe you should stay out of other countries' domestic matters. I'm in the anyone-but-Bush camp. Kerry could really use some charisma. If he could borrow an ounce of Clinton's charisma, it wouldn't be such a tight race. I'm not too thrilled w/ some of his policies to Canada, but it's better than an egocentric fumbling good ol' boy. At least he knows there's people outside of America that matter.

And I'm so glad that it's America who's bringing "democracy" to the world. The same country that has election scandals in 2000, and many more in this election I'm sure. Perhaps like in my civic election where only one registration card was delivered to each house, and if you had more than 1 voter, the extra voters just had to sign a form that said they were eligible. No ID or verification needed. This whole thing just reveals Americans being the hypocrites that they deny in themselves. I'd have to say that one thing seems to run thru most Americans is a certain smugness. Some might call it arrogance, some might call it confidence, but most others will call it annoying. For a nation that's been around less than 300 years, they've developed a mythos of "God's country, God's chosen." While they have their share of important people, some who shouldn't be so great(Thomas Edison, the great plagiarizer), it still doesn't mean some higher power favours them. We've all seen what happens when a set of people believe that their cause is righteous and blame others of wrongdoings. *cough* 9/11 *cough*

I'm such a troublemaker...

Had training today and was scheduled for 4 1/4 hrs, but the guest trainer finished her presentation early. So instead of doing what we usually do which is let us hang around until time is up, the lead trainer says we have to get back on the phone. Now considering we were doing stuff on the computer by ourselves, logic would dictate that not everyone may be finished w/ some of the material we're supposed to cover by ourselves. Not to mention they said that there was additional things avail on the computer that we were supposed to do. And we were covering new material that we have some questions about. But the trainer kicks me out of the material I was reading, and even takes down my name, phone login id, and TL's name. When I mention that she should probably get another rep's info since he was talking w/ the guest trainer, she completely ignores me. Boy, was I pissed!! 1) I don't want to be back on the phone before I'm supposed to b/c my schedule says I'm not supposed to, not to mention more time off the phone is less stress for me b/c I'm a loafer as much as the next person 2) I was actually covering the course material and really hadn't finished reading it. It wasn't like, oh I'll just re-read it, I never finished going thru everything. Sure most of the stuff was mentioned by the trainer, but it's not like her memory is flawless. So after I left, I jwrote to my TL and I sure as hell didn't log into my phone until I was supposed to. I'm sure she'll say I'm a troublemaker, but I'm used to it, and I can argue her down. I may not have been part of the debate club, but I didn't idolize Spock as a kid for nothing.

Anyways, some changes to the site. I still don't know what tags reference to, so the graphic I wanted on the title bar, which is on the title bar, is somehow on the bottom too but is the full graphic. But fuschia, green, purple, yellow is a bit too much color. Think I need black. Black is good.

Trying to upgrade my job...again

Still haven't heard back about the assistant position but then again, neither has people who are more qualified than I am, so I'm not too worried. But another position came up, it's a pay raise, but not necessary a title raise. Well sort of title raise, it's basically assisting other reps w/ probs and handling customers who cuss out the reps.

I'll admit this much, if I think that you have a legitimate greviance and are nice about it, I'll really help you. And I believe I've mentioned this in an earlier post too. But if you're arrogant, I'll give my empathy statements thru gritted teeth, even if I think that you have a legitimate greviance. And I sure as heck won't bend on any policies either. Credit? What's that?! I have an analytical personality, so I hate being wrong, think explanations solve everything, and don't like being pushed around. And never ever tell me how to do my job. I may say I take feedback well, but I really don't. I'll either slough it off, or else argue about the details. But I have argued my supervisor to the point where she couldn't say anything other than "Because I told you so!" Well that was a fun professional exchange! :P

But it's just too mcuh stress lately, I wanna take some days off, but I don't want to be caught w/ doing an interview during my vacation so I'm pushing it off. Argh! I'm soooo tired. I need more cat days.

I should write more often

Just have too much stuff to talk about. And to think it doesn't take that long to log in, create a post, type something an log off. At least get things out of my mind so I don't end up w/ huge long posts. But anyways, on with the show...

So about my keyboard, actually that wasn't what I originally wanted to write about, but it's kinda come up, or ouch as it were. I have a pull-out keyboard drawer, which is fine, it's quite nice, but I also like to rest my wrists on the drawer, which pushes up my keyboard to the back, and in order to reach all the keys, I end up banging my knuckles against the bottom of the desk. And since I don't want to do that, I think I'm getting more typing mistakes. And my carpal's starting to act up. *raise chair up* maybe that'll help the carpals. Yes, I have carpal tunnel syndrome. it's a pain, when you're an artist who knits, crochets, draws, inks, paints and well does everything w/ her hands.

Darn, with the seat higher, my rolly ball is going everywhere. I've got a green studded ball for accupressure for my feet. But now that I'm higher, I can't put as much pressure on my rolly ball, which means it ends up shooting across the floor. I also have one of those carpet mats so the carpet's not squished by the rolly chair.

So back to my original reason for posting, trying to make a template. Having no clue how to do it, and just going by trial-and-error. Which isn't working too well. Time to start reading.

Not that I have much time. Got rejected for that supervisor position. So did a bunch of other people, but I totally hate interviews, so I'm applying for assistant position. it's not more pay, but I think myself and a 100 other people don't want to be taking calls anymore. Haven't gotten response yet.

How much curiousity is appropriate? I work at a mall,so on my breaks I shop. Whenever I buy something, my male friend has to look and see what it is. It's like the other day, one of my work friends wanted me to knit something for him, so we went shopping for yarn. Then as my friend picks me up, he's like what's that? what's it for? who is it for? Like when was it ever your business?! I should just say "pads" all the time, I'm so sick of it.